


If Only To Say You're Mine

by deathboytm



Category: Birds of Prey (And the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) (2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Autistic Helena, Choir Kid Dinah, Dinah lives with her dad, Dinahs dad owns a roller rink, F/F, Helena Dinah and Harley are HS seniors, Lacrosse Player Helena, Renee adopted Cass, Renee is a senior in college, Toddler Cass, harley/oc, idk comic canon i am just making shit up, my high school au i do what i want
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:21:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 34,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23998897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deathboytm/pseuds/deathboytm
Summary: Helena moves from Sicily back to Gotham for her senior year of high school, and she thinks she's finally ready to make some friends.
Relationships: Helena Bertinelli/Dinah Lance
Comments: 51
Kudos: 130





	1. Late Sept. (1)

**Author's Note:**

> couldn't get high school au idea out of my head, so i decided to take a wack at actually writing it myself. i'm not much of a writer, and this isn't beta read, but hopefully it's still enjoyable! 
> 
> also- title is from sofia by clairo. not much meaning to it i just thought it sounded nice.

Getting back into the groove of American school after 5 years of living in Sicily had been a daunting task, but one Helena thinks she was pretty smooth in accomplishing. Academically, anyway, socially not so much. Not that she had any friends in Sicily either. She woke up, went to school, ate lunch alone, came home, and spent the evening in her room. 

Even in middle school, before the accident and her spiral into complete self isolation, she didn’t have much of a social life. She always felt a bit alienated from everyone else. Always felt she was lacking in the social department. Jokes went over her head and kids shifted uncomfortably when she asked them to explain them, and whenever she rocked back and forth in class she was met with confused glances. 

When she was diagnosed with autism at 10, everything made a lot more sense, but increased any already existing fear tenfold. She learned to mask anything kids would call outwardly ‘weird’ pretty quickly.

It was her senior year of high school, and after spending so much time being alone and angry, she thinks she’d really like to try the whole friends thing. She wasn’t completely void of social interaction, but she had a lot of work to do if she wanted to have a circle of friends by the end of the year.

She  _ could  _ try talking to the girls on the lacrosse team. 

She had been on the team for a month now, and coach had been telling her to connect with the team. Helena didn’t really know what that meant though, and everyone seemed a bit scared of her. She guesses her lack of putting herself out there at all didn’t help. She went to practice, didn’t talk to anyone in the locker rooms, or while they waited for coach to show up, or while they did their drills. 

It’s not like no one tried talking to her, she wore her letterman jacket everywhere, and that tended to attract people. She’s been told she comes off as broody and stoic by just about every classmate she’s had to do a project with, though. That and the lack of any social confidence seems to be ‘actually become friends with me’ repellent. 

She did have one sort-of friend going for her.

“Hey! Do’ya wanna sit with me at lunch today? You can’t say no ‘cause I see you sitting alone everyday.” Harley seemed to come out of nowhere, dropping her things on her desk before she took her seat next to Helena.

Harley was certainly interesting. Not Helena’s first choice of company, but she wasn’t all bad, and she didn’t really have room to be picky. 

“Um...okay,” Helena blinked. 

Harley was loud, and didn’t know what personal space meant, but she was inviting, and it made Helena stifle a laugh whenever she spoke over the teacher in graphic design. 

“You know Dinah right? My singer friend with the nose ring I’m always talkin’ about?” Harley sat sideways in her chair, crossing her legs and leaning into Helena’s space. 

Helena knew Dinah all right. Well, not actually, she had never spoken to her, but she saw her on campus a lot. And Harley  _ was  _ always talking about her. Dinah might be the only person strong enough to tolerate Harley. They grew up together, apparently. 

Dinah was breathtaking. A choir kid with the best voice Helena had ever heard. Or maybe she was just really gay. Maybe a bit of both. Either way, she had a solo once at an assembly, and Helena nearly lost her mind. 

“Uh, yeah,”

“God you’re so red in the face all the time. You doin’ okay? Need to see the nurse?” Harley raised a brow, amused, Helena thinks. 

“No, I’m okay…” 

“You’d think a jock would have a little more confidence,” Harley chuckled, “Anyway, It’ll just be Dinah at lunch with me, so you don’t have to worry about anyone you don’t know!”

Helena was about to say something about how yes, she does, because she has never once spoken to Dinah and Dinah is very, very pretty, but the teacher hushed the class before she had the chance. 

* * *

Lunch came fast, and Helena was seriously considering hiding for the whole period. Helena wasn’t very good at talking to anyone, let alone a really pretty girl like Dinah. She didn’t even get the chance to try to hide though, as Harley caught her right as she walked out of english. 

“Hiya doll face! Ready for lunch?” Harley threw an arm around her shoulder as they fell into step together. 

Helena flinched, trying to nudge her off a bit with a groan, but Harley wouldn’t give.

“How did you even know where my class is?” Helena asked, letting a bit of snip into her tone. 

“I pay very close attention to the few things you tell me about yourself, Helena Bertinelli.” Harley chuckled, ushering Helena to walk faster down the hall as it became more crowded with students trickling outside their class rooms. 

It kind of amazed Helena how easily Harley let her bitterness roll off her back. It had never once deterred her. 

They made their way to the cafeteria, Harley yammering on about something that happened in her last class, but Helena wasn’t really listening. 

She was 17 years old. She could keep afloat in a conversation with a new person for a half hour, couldn’t she? She wasn’t so sure. What if she fucked up. What if she said something stupid and weird and Dinah looked at her all judgmentally and-

“Jeesh, calm down a little, will ya? You look like you’re about to puke.” They had apparently reached the doors to the cafeteria, pulled off to the side, Harley looking at her with almost genuine concern.

“I’m fine.” The anxiety twisting in her stomach begged to differ.

“Yeah you always say that. Listen, It’s gonna be fine, okay? Dinah’s nice.” Harley patted her shoulder, letting it hang there, and Helena squirmed a little. This was too close to a genuine moment between them for comfort. 

Helena pushed her hand away. “I’m fine.” 

Harley rolled her eyes, tugging Helena into the small swarm of students heading through the doors of the cafeteria. 

As they went through the lunch line, Harley talked and talked as Helena half listened at best, as it admittedly usually was. Harley was pretty good at carrying an entire conversation all by herself. Which Helena certainly didn’t mind. Less talking on her part the better, even if Harley was always talking about some pretty bat shit stuff. 

Helena was still nervous. Conversations were weird. Conversations with new people were even weirder. Helena didn’t really understand the rules. They were unspoken, which was her least favorite kind of rules. 

They made it through the line, and Harley was leading her to where her and Dinah sat every day. Okay. It’s just talking. Maybe she could even get away with not doing that much of it. 

Dinah was scrolling through her phone, lunch tray sat in front of her on the table. Harley slid into the seat across from her, and Helena hesitantly followed suit. 

“Hey, singer lady!” 

“You know, it’s been like ten years, you think you’d have dropped that by now.”

“Nope!” Harley turned to Helena, “When we first met in second grade, we used to play this game at recess where she was ‘singer lady’ and I was ‘clown lady’.”

“Yeah it didn’t really have any rules. We pretty much just ran around for twenty minutes.” Dinah laughed at the memory. 

Great. Exclusionary reminiscing. Good start. The image of a little Dinah and Harley running around calling each other ‘singer lady’ and ‘clown lady’ was admittedly a bit cute, though. 

Helena just nodded, blinking, shifting in her seat. 

“Sorry,” Dinah smiled apologetically, noticing Helena’s clear discomfort, “hey, you must be Helena.” Dinah offered her hand out across the table.

Helena blinked down at the hand. Did people still do that? Did they shake hands? What was she supposed to do? Was she the weird one right now?

Dinah raised an eyebrow at her as the seconds passed, hand hanging in the air, and Helena’s sensibility caught up with her. She was definitely being the weird one right now.

Helena took the offer, finally, and shook it once before dropping it. “Sorry,” She cringed at herself.

“All good.” Dinah smiled widely. 

Dimples. She had dimples. Helena hadn’t really seen her smile this close before. She swallowed thickly, giving a sharp nod, forcing herself to look down at her tray. 

“You’re all red in the face again!” Harley commented with a laugh. Thank you Harley, very cool and helpful.

“It’s cute,” Dinah shrugged, still smiling. 

Cute. Cute, said about her, from a pretty girl. 

Helena made a stuttering noise, and decided on just keeping her mouth shut.

“Just when I thought your face couldn’t get any redder,” Harley grinned.

Dinah threw her head back and laughed. Helena wasn’t a hundred percent sure Dinah wasn’t laughing  _ at  _ her, but the sound was beautiful nonetheless. 

“You’re cute,” Dinah said once her laughter trailed off. 

Cute.  _ Cute _ , again, said about her.  _ She  _ was cute.

“Did it get even  _ redder _ ?” Harley examined Helena’s face closely. 

“Shut up!” Helena snapped, shrinking into her seat a bit. 

Harley laughed probably unnecessarily loud, turning a few heads around them. 

“I think they just heard you laughing across the country.” Dinah chuckled, “Now come on, give the girl a break.”

“All right, all right,” 

“So,” Dinah turned her attention to Helena, “Harley told me you just moved from Italy?”

“Uh, yeah, from Sicily, the start of the summer…” Helena tapped her fingers rhythmically against her thigh. 

“That’s cool, were you born there?” 

“Here, actually, I moved to Sicily when I was twelve.” 

“And you came back? To this shit hole?” Dinah raised a brow, a smile playing on her lips.

“Didn’t have much of a choice,” Helena shrugged. 

Dinah nodded. “Why’d you move there in the first place?”

Helena swallowed thickly. She didn’t exactly feel like detailing the tragedy of the loss of her family would be fun right now. “My, uh, Uncle had a job opportunity.” 

“You live with your uncle?”

“Yeah, and my cousins-”

“This conversation is so boring!” Harley exclaimed, leaning dramatically against Helena’s shoulder.

Helena frowned, leaning away from her. 

She was actually doing okay in small talk for once. Of course Harley had to interrupt. 

“God, Harley, you can’t go 5 minutes without being the center of attention, can you?” Dinah shook her head, amused nonetheless. 

“Don’t think she can go five seconds,” Helena grumbled. 

“You got that right.”

“Hey!”

“You think she’s wrong?” Dinah raised a brow. 

“...No, but still.” Harley crossed her arms. 

“I’m sorry about her.” Dinah said to Helena, grinning. 

“Not your fault she’s like that,”

“Hey! I’m feelin’ pretty attacked right now!”

The rest of lunch went pretty smoothly, Helena even getting a couple jokes in, resulting in Dinah smiling at her. Helena could learn a few more jokes if it meant Dinah would keep doing that. 

It was nice to feel like she had friends. To sit and laugh with people, and to not feel like the one being laughed at. 

The bell rang and they all started collecting their trash. “Hey, do you wanna come to the roller rink with me and Harley tonight?” Dinah asked her. 

An invite. An invite to hang out with people. With Dinah. And Harley, though that was less exciting. 

“The roller rink?” Helena’s hand tapped at her thigh again. 

“Yeah, Lance’s Skate World? My dad owns it.” 

Helena doesn’t think she’s heard of it, but she nods anyway.

“Yah, been in the family for a couple Lance generations. Heir to the best roller rink in Gotham, right here.” Harley slung an arm around Dinah’s shoulder, lunch tray in her other hand. 

Dinah shook her head, smiling softly. “So, do you wanna?”

“Huh?”

“Come to the roller rink with us.”

Helena blinked. Right. Roller rink. It was Friday, so she didn’t have lacrosse practice. “Yeah!” She winced, “uh, yeah, sure.”

“Cool,” Dinah fished her phone out of her pocket, unlocking it, tapping around a bit, and handing it over to Helena. “Put your number in, I’ll text you about it more later.” 

Helena stared down at the phone. Her number, in Dinah’s phone. Not a lot of people had her number. Pretty much just her uncle, Declan, and Ricky. She glanced up at Dinah, who was looking at her expectantly, before turning back to the phone and punching her number into the number pad.

She handed the phone back to Dinah. “Cool! See you later, Helena.” 

“Later, nervous jock lady!” Harley called over her shoulder as her and Dinah walked off together.

Helena blinked as she watched them leave, shaking her head and turning to collect her things. 

She spent lunch with someone, two someones, in fact. It didn’t go terribly. She didn’t even start talking about stupid stuff. She had an invite to hang out with people, and her phone number was in Dinah’s phone. 

Maybe the friends thing could actually work out. 


	2. Late Sept. (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An introduction to Helena's Uncle George and her cousins, and more importantly, her pet rats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello and welcome to my high school au, also known as the wack fic with surprise rat themes
> 
> also- thank you to anyone who left comments or kudos last chaptah . u r epic

The walk to her motorcycle wasn’t all bad. She had to park so far down the street from the school it took her ten minutes every day to walk there and back. Most kids who parked there complained endlessly, but Helena liked walking. She could just listen to music and let her mind wander. 

She was a people watcher too, so it was kinda nice to watch everyone laughing as they walked together and got into each other's cars. It was kind of her default to analyse other people and the world around her. She watched the same people go about their after school routines every day, and it was nice to kinda piece together bits of their lives when she caught them.

When she finally did reach her bike, she pushed any of her hair out of her face, and pulled her helmet over her head. She straddled her bike, keys already in hand, and started it up.

She always got stares from other kids when she was on her motorcycle. Fair enough, it wasn’t very common. Her uncle rode them, so she spent a lot of time around them the last 5 years and fell in love with them herself. 

Her mind wandered back to lunch today as she rode home. She had spent a long time fearing conversation and the concept of actually trying to make friends, but it seemed to be a bit easier than she thought it would be. Or maybe there was just something about Dinah. Harley, too, even. She felt more comfortable with them than she had with anyone else in a long time. 

Even her own uncle and cousins were a bit hard to gel with. They had taken her in after the death of her family, but they weren’t the warmest people in the word, or the most affectionate. Declan was probably the one Helena was closest to. He was a couple years older than her, enrolled in community college and still living at home. 

When she first moved in with them, he would leave her snacks outside her door when she refused to come out. When she eventually did start spending time outside her room, he would sit and watch cartoons with her. For the first year or so Ricky always just seemed unsure of how to act around her. He was 8 at the time, so Helena supposes she can’t blame him too much. 

Even now though that Ricky was older and fully adjusted to Helena living with them, they still had never formed much of a relationship. He started spending all his time in his room playing games a couple years ago, so Helena rarely even sees him. 

Declan would still sit and watch tv with her now, and sometimes he would sit in her room with her or come play with her pet rats. They never really talked of anything much important, but it was still nice to talk to him.

Her uncle was a bit of a grey area. She hadn’t had much of a relationship with him before her family’s passing, but he was really the only family left to take her in. She supposes he was kind enough to take legal custody, but didn’t have much interest in building a relationship with her. Or maybe he didn’t know how, she wasn’t really sure. 

They talked sometimes, there were a few times he had told her about her father and him when they were both boys. Usually on car rides, to fill the silence. It was always nice to hear him talk about him. Her father hadn’t told her a lot of stories himself when he had been alive. 

Her uncle wasn’t the most supportive though either. He had put her in therapy when she started having really bad nightmares, but he didn’t wanna hear anything about her autism. He told her that girls couldn’t have it and that she would grow out of it. 

She never did, and he still scolds her when her traits are showing. Any time she was having sensory overload he told her she was being a baby. If she started talking too much about rats, he told her to be quiet. Which, when all you can think about is rats and all the new facts you learned about them, it was kinda hard to do so. 

A familiar anger was boiling up inside her as she pulled up the driveway. It was stupid. He was stupid. She just wished he would fucking listen to her. 

She kicked down the stand of her bike and pulled her helmet off with an unsteady sigh. Getting herself angry about his ignorance wasn’t going to help anything. She kind of wished she could go for a run now, as that’s usually how she worked off any lingering rage, but she had homework and she didn’t have any idea when Dinah would text her about the roller rink or when they’d be going. 

When she walked through the front door she just barely caught Ricky scurrying back to his room. Declan was sitting on the couch watching tv. “Sup, ‘Lena.” 

“Hey,” She put her helmet down on the table near the front door.

“Wanna sit?” 

She shook her head, “Homework.” She slipped her shoes off.

He nodded in understanding.

“Oh, but, in case George gets back while I’m gone, I’m going out tonight.”

Declan raised an eyebrow. “You? Out? On a Friday?”

“Shut the fuck up.” 

He chuckled, “Okay, I’ll tell him.”

He didn’t seem interested in questioning her any more, so she turned down the hall to her room. 

The first thing she saw in her room was her rats, Rattuccine Alfredo and Ratatoni, scurrying around inside their cage on top of her dresser. 

She owes no one any kind of explanation about their names. That was her a few months agos problem. 

“Hi boys!” She dropped her bag on her bed, and went to greet them, crouching down so she was at eye level with their cage. 

Rattuccine Alfredo was on the ground of the first level of the cage, nose pressed against the wire of the cage. Ratatoni was on the second level, chilling in the little hammock. 

She opened the door to the first level, giving Rattuccine Alfredo a little scratch on the head before picking him up. She opened the door to the second level next, letting Ratatoni come to the door by himself before scooping him up. 

She sat down on her bed, letting them down in her lap. 

Ratatoni was the one she had picked out first, when her uncle had finally let her get rats after a couple years of asking. He probably only gave in because he felt guilty he was moving her back to Gotham for a job. 

Ratatoni had been one of the first rats she had met. He had been the only all white one in his cage and she was drawn to him instantly. He crawled right into her hand and looked up at her with his beady little eyes and she fell in love. She’s since learned he’s certainly a lot more mischievous than he seemed. Rattuccine Alfredo was one of the last rats she met, and he had instantly tried to crawl down the neck of her shirt. Ironically enough he was the better behaved of the two.

She reached over to her backpack and unzipped it, pulling out her school binder. She’d learned from previous experiences that trying to juggle doing homework and corralling rats was not a good idea, but that wouldn’t stop her. 

* * *

It was 5 o’clock and she had just returned to her room with a sandwich when she saw she had a text from an unknown number.

“Oh, shit.” She muttered, hurrying to put her plate down on her desk so she could unlock her phone.

She opened the messages, ‘hey! it’s dinah!’ the first one read, followed by, ‘we’re gonna head over to the roller rink at 6, we can pick you up if you need’

Did she need picking up? She could ride her bike, but she hadn’t even heard of the place before and the idea of showing up before them or something made her feel uneasy.

‘Yeah I need a ride’, she typed, stopped, thought for a second before adding ‘if it’s not a problem.’ and sending it, though not before proofreading it 20 times.

She was a couple bites into her sandwich when she got a reply. ‘its no problem! just need your address’ 

She double checked her own address on google, which was ridiculous as she a hundred percent knew it, and sent it to Dinah. She looked at the clock on her phone. 5:21. She looked over at the rats cage. “I need to get ready don’t I,” She said to them. They went about their rat business, helpful as always. 

She scarfed down a few more bites of her sandwich, before hurrying to her dresser to scavenge for something good to wear. What did people wear to roller rinks? She hadn’t been roller skating since she was like 9, which was a whole other problem she had forgotten about but had no time to worry over. 

She ultimately decided on black sweats and a grey sleeveless cropped top, which wasn’t all that different from what she usually wore, but it would work. Right? Whatever. 

Should she shower? She had just that morning… even if she wanted would she have time to? Probably not. She was probably good anyway. She changed quickly, before going to her bathroom to stare herself in the mirror. She ran her hands through her hair, trying to smooth it out. She looked closer at her face, and noticed the hair where she had shaved the slit in her eyebrow was growing back in. 

She grabbed her eyebrow razor from her drawer and re-shaved it real quick before deciding to smear some purple eyeshadow on with her finger, and looked herself over again. This was probably good. Right? Yeah… presentable. 

The clock on her phone read 5:32. Maybe she didn’t need to rush that much, but better safe than sorry, she supposes. She shoved her phone in her pocket, finished her sandwich, and said goodbye to Rattucine Alfredo and Ratatoni as she left the room with the plate. 

She took the plate to the kitchen sink, and saw Declan still sitting on the couch in front of the tv where he’d been for the whole afternoon. 

“What are you even watching?” She asked him as she hovered behind the couch.

He glanced back at her, “Atypical,”

“Haven’t heard of it.”

“It’s uh, about this kid with autism.”

“Ah.” He glanced back at her again, catching her nodding slowly. This was the closest to any kind of moment of explicit support of her autism she may get from any of them. “Cool.”

“D’you wanna sit? Or do you have to go?”

She glanced at the clock on the wall. 5:35. “I could sit for a bit, I guess.”

She plopped herself down on the couch next to him. There were two guys on screen talking, presumably working in some electronics store.

By the time her phone buzzed in her pocket and she whipped it out to see it was Dinah, it was 6:01. 

The show wasn’t bad, seemed pretty good as far as representation for autism goes these days. She might check it out further later, but now according to her text Dinah was outside with Harley. 

“Gotta go, see you later.” 

“Later.” 

A confusing mix of feelings was eating at her as she opened the door. Part of her was left with a lingering somewhat touched feeling at whatever vague moment she had just shared with Delcan, but most of her was trying not to have an anxiety attack. She was excited to hang out with Dinah, and Harley, again, but she was still so scared of fucking it up. 

“Hey!” Dinah waved at her as she appeared from behind the door.

“Heya jock lady!” Harley stood a step behind her, a wide grin plastered on her face as usual. 

“Hi,” Helena stepped outside, body stiff as she closed the door behind her. 

She turned back to them and looked over their outfits. Dinah was wearing golden shiny bell bottoms, a rainbow striped sweater french tucked into them, and gold painted her eyelids. Harley had red short shorts on, a fishnet shirt layered over just her sports bra, with rainbow suspenders, clown looking makeup painted on her face. She suddenly felt a little under dressed.

Dinah must notice her apprehension, “Sorry, we go a bit all out when we go roller skating.” 

“It’s okay… I think I'm just boring,” Helena chuckled nervously. 

“You’re far from boring, jock lady!” Harley brushed past Dinah and swung an arm around Helena’s shoulder. Helena tensed, frowning. 

Dinah smiled warmly as she watched them, “Alright, let’s go girls,” 

Harley kept her arm around her shoulder as they walked to what must be Dinah’s car, as Helena remembers Harley telling her she wasn’t allowed to drive, for undisclosed reasons. Probably for the best. 

Helena didn’t know much about cars to be honest, only motorcycles, but it was definitely a nice car. It was clearly vintage, a pretty light blue color.

Dinah caught her examining it as she unlocked it from the drivers side. “It’s my dad’s, or it’s supposed to be, but I’m really the one driving it everywhere.” 

Helena nodded. “It’s… cool.” She said, somewhat lamely. Dinah smiled at her over the roof of the car before pulling her door open and getting in. 

Harley finally released Helena and clambered into the front seat. “C’mon, jock lady!”

“Stop calling me that,” Helena grumbled as she slid into the back seat, taking the middle seat. 

“Never! You gotta have a lady nickname, it’s part of being in the friend group!” Harley twisted in her seat to look back at Helena.

“Yep.” Dinah popped the P, turning the key in the ignition, engine coming to life with a purr. 

Helena tapped her fingers on her thigh. Friend group? Had they gotten there already? Was that too soon? Is that how fast people usually made friends? She hadn’t even done anything particularly cool that made her a desirable friend to have-

“I see you over thinking back there. We’re friends, jock lady! And that’s final!” Harley giggled. 

Dinah nodded, “Can’t get rid of us.” 

“I... you don’t even know me,” 

“Sure we do!”

“...Not really,” Helena shifted uncomfortably as they pulled out of her neighborhood. 

“Okay, fine, fair enough,” Dinah started, “so tell us about yourself.” 

“Oooh, yeah! Get to know Helena time!” Harley clapped. 

Helena frowned. “Like...what?”

“Like… got any pets?” Dinah’s fingers tapped on the wheel.

Pets. Okay, she could talk about pets. “Yeah, uh… two rats,” 

“Rats?” Dinah and Harley said at the same time, raising their eyebrows. 

“Yeah… they’re really cool, actually, they’re a lot more cuddly than most people think they are, and they aren’t like… inherently dirty or anything. They’re pretty social animals and build really strong relationships, with other rats and humans. They even actually take care of each other when they’re-”

Oh. Too much talking. 

Harley was fully twisted in her seat staring at her with a quirked brow, and Dinah was catching glances at her in the rear view mirror.

“Sorry,” Her fingers twitched as they tapped rapidly against her thigh. She swallowed thickly, anxiety building up in her chest.

“No, it’s cool, just didn’t think you’d be someone so into rats.” Dinah shrugged.

“Yeah, you sure are a mystery, jock lady!”

“...Thanks?” Helena frowned. 

“You’re welcome!” Harley grinned. Helena frowned further. 

“So, why do you like rats so much?” Dinah asked.

“I just think they’re cool!” Helena said, probably too defensively.

Dinah didn’t seem phased. “I just mean like… how did you start liking them?”

“I uh… I really liked the movie Ratatouille when I was like ten and I’ve just been into them ever since, I guess…” Helena shrunk in her seat slightly. 

“Hey, pretty good move.” Dinah shrugged. Harley nodded enthusiastically. 

“Yeah,” 

“So what are your rats' names?” Dinah glanced over her shoulder. 

“Oh… um,” She couldn’t be honest. She couldn’t tell them they were named after pasta-rat puns. “Dog and… Howard,” She winced. 

Not much better, dumbass,  _ not much fucking better _ . 

“Dog and Howard?”

“No further comment.” 

They fell silent for a minute. 

“So…” Dinah cleared her throat, “you play lacrosse?” 

By the time they reached the rink, they’d gone over how Helena got into lacrosse in 9th grade, vaguely talked about what living with her uncle George and her cousins was like, glazing over the whole death of her family and emotional distance she felt from them, and a bit about food over in Sicily. 

“Why’s it so thick?” Dinah put the car in park. 

“Just is.” Helena shrugged. 

“Huh,” Dinah tilted her head. “Well, enough about Sicilian pizza, we’re here.” 

They all clambered out of the car, and Helena got a good look at the roller rink. ‘Lance’s Skate World’ in big curvy letters in teal outlined with bright yellow hung above the entrance, the building itself black with various neon geometric shapes decorating it. 

As they approached the entrance Helena hung back a few steps behind them, barely registering Harley begging Dinah to get her pretzel bites from the food stand. 

Helena’s fingers tapped her thigh. Okay, she’s got this. She thinks anyway. She had no confidence in her social skills, and she hasn’t roller skated since she was nine, but she’s got this.

Hopefully. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> roller skating next chaptah!! meeting dinahs dad next chaptah!! probably more rat talk!! maybe some gay yearning!! woo!! 
> 
> hope u enjoyed!


	3. Late Sept. (3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Skating proves a bit more overwhelming than anticipated. Harley likes Mcdonalds probably too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back! thanks again for any comments and kudos last chapter i really appreciate them ^_^

The inside of the roller rink certainly matched the aesthetic of the outside. The carpet was that 80s arcade carpet. A small arcade was tucked into a corner near the entrance, young kids and teenagers alike playing shooter and crane games. A food stand was built into a wall, a flashing neon sign hung above it with a seating area in front. The actual rink itself had the typical light show going on, 80s music booming over the speakers. There were a fair amount of people. It was kind of… a lot. 

Helena’s fingers tapped at her thigh. 

Dinah spun around to see Helena standing in the middle of the entrance taking it all in with wide eyes, her and Harley about ten feet in front of her already. 

“Hey,” Dinah said softly, approaching her, “it’s gonna be okay.” Her eyes stared into Helena’s all too knowingly and sincere, making Helena look down at her feet. 

“It’s gonna be fun!” Harley had trailed behind Dinah, grinning wickedly. 

Dinah glanced back at Harley before turning back to Helena, “Just stick with us, and tell us if it’s too much.” Helena nodded, still staring at her shoes. 

A hand came into her view, an offer, and she looked up to see Dinah smiling at her softly. 

“Only if you want.” Dinah shrugged.

Helena swallowed thickly. Did she want? She didn’t totally understand the offer if she was honest, but she thinks she does want. She took Dinah’s hand before she could change her mind, and Dinah smiled wider at her as they walked on, hand in hand. 

It was weird, and different, and Helena had never held anyone’s hand before, but it was exciting, and made her stomach twist with something almost  sickeningly  pleasant. Was this a bad time to worry about how sweaty her hands were?

“Aww, look at ya jock lady! All blushy again!” Harley cooed. 

“Fuck off.” Helena nearly spat. Harley just giggled, frustrating her further. 

Dinah shook her head, seemingly all too amused by the situation. “Ignore her.”

Helena sighed, deciding to follow that advice, and let them lead her to the skate check out counter next to the food stand. 

A boy worked the counter, probably around their age, hair styled into a pretty impressive afro. He wore a red and black striped collared shirt, a name tag clipped to it that read ‘RJ’. “Hey Harley, Dinah!” He smiled as they approached. 

They greeted him in return, Helena shifting awkwardly from foot to foot at Dinah’s side, hand still in hers. 

“Who’s the newcomer?” He asked, looking over Helena. He was nonjudgmental, warm even, but the attention still made Helena feel weird. 

“This is Helena,” Dinah said.

“She plays lacrosse and she’s got rats!” Harley cut in. Helpful as always. 

He chuckled, “Well, sup, I’m RJ.” 

“Hey,” Helena waved lamely with her free hand. If he noticed her and Dinah holding hands, he didn’t seem to think anything of it.

“Shoe size?” He quirked a brow. Helena looked to Dinah and back to RJ, suddenly feeling a bit like a fish washed up on land. “For the skates?”

Yes, right, they are at the roller rink at the skate check out counter. “Oh, uh… like, ten, in mens?” Her feet weren’t, like, small, and though she didn’t really understand why she was supposed to be embarrassed about that, here she was, embarrassed. 

RJ didn’t question it though, disappearing behind a rack of skates and coming back with three pairs. 

“Here you guys go!” He set them down on the counter. Dinah and Harley thanked him, Helena just nodding sharply with a tight, awkward smile. 

“See you guys later,” he started, “Oh! But Harley, if you keep leaving clean up for the Wednesday and Friday group in the morning when you close, I’ll kill you.” 

“Yeah, yeah! You say that every week!” Harley waved her hand dismissively.

“And I mean it this time,” he smiled, shaking his head, “have fun guys.” 

They grabbed their skates, Dinah letting go of Helena’s hand, and they were off to the benches near the entrance to the rink. She tried not to focus too much on the twinge of disappointment she felt at the loss. 

The music was even louder there, and Helena tried to not let it get to her. 

“You work here?” Helena asked as they sat down. 

“Yep! Tuesdays and Thursdays! Derek got me the job,” 

“My dad,” Dinah clarified. “She’s a shit employee, though.” 

“Hey! I am a model employee!” Harley gaped.

Dinah scoffed, “Whatever you say.” Helena couldn’t stop the little smile that formed on her lips.

She looked up to see Dinah looking at her, smiling too. They made eye contact for a few seconds before Helena noped out, turning her attention back to removing her shoes, flushed. She thinks she hears Dinah giggle a bit.

Once they were all skated up, and Dinah and Harley were already coming to their feet with expert balance, the nerves were really starting to set in. She hadn’t skated in like, 8 years, and even then she wasn’t like, great at it. 

Harley went on ahead, laughing wickedly as she joined the other skaters. She was good, like, really good. It all just… really looked like a lot. Too much. The lights were flashing, and it looked like you’d barely be able to see out there. 

“Not much of a skater?” Dinah pulled her attention away from the rink. 

“Not really, no…” 

“Just try to stand, and we’ll take it from there.” 

Helena braced the edge of the bench for support, trying her best to rise to her feet steadily. Fear bubbled in her stomach, but she was successful nonetheless. 

“Good, good,” Dinah said, “now just push with your back foot and glide forward a bit.” 

Helena tried her best to focus on just gliding instead of how… loud everything was. She managed to move forward a bit, even if unsteadily. 

Dinah watched as she lost the momentum, coming to a stop. “Good! Try the other foot.” 

Helena pushed forward again with her other foot, but must have been too hasty as she almost lost her balance, grabbing onto Dinah’s arm to keep her from going down.

“Woah! Woah,” Dinah laughed a bit, grabbing Helena’s arm to help steady her, “easy there.” 

“I’m trying,” Helena gritted out, stabilizing herself and letting her arm slip away from Dinah’s. Skating was stupid. Roller rinks were stupid. People aren’t meant to be on wheels anyway.

“How ‘bout we practice on the rink? I’ll stick with you.” 

Something about the offer made Helena feel kinda… fluttery, despite the stress. “Well… I don’t wanna drag you down,” 

“No! It’s totally cool, happy to help.”

God, Dinah was so nice, and pretty, and just… ugh. “O-okay,” 

“Here,” Dinah stood beside her now, “hold onto my arm.” Dinah gave her an expectant look as she stood there, floundering a bit, before grabbing onto Dinah’s arm. “Just try to glide,” 

Dinah smiled softly as she led her slowly into sensory hell. Harley glided past them, going backwards like the show off she was, and whooped, “yeah! Look at you go, jock lady!” 

Helena’s face burned, “I’m gonna fucking kill her.” She muttered. The music was even louder actually on the rink, and she was surprised it didn’t get lost in the noise. 

Dinah laughed, “I don’t think I’d blame you,” she paused, “there’s no shame in not being able to skate.” 

“Sure feels like it,” Helena grumbled as they made their way around the rink slowly. 

“Everyone’s just here to skate and have fun, no one cares what you’re up to.” 

Helena chanced a glance up from her skates, watching kids scoot around with their walkers, a few people sticking mostly to the wall, and the few clearly experienced skaters like Harley gliding around with ease. 

“Maybe,” Helena said. She was right really, no one seemed to care, off in their own worlds, gliding past them. 

It was still… so much, and really couldn’t be described any other way. The neon flashing lights and booming music felt like they were invading every stupid fucking atom of her surroundings. Helena could feel anxiety bubble inside her, her throat going a bit tight, but she tried to swallow it down, pushing onward. 

“You doing okay?” Dinah asked, concern in her tone. 

“Fine,” It hung tensely in the air for a moment.

“You sure?” Dinah pulled them off the side, Helena latching onto the wall while still gripping Dinah’s arm. 

“I just, um,” Helena sighed, looking over the wall of the rink and at the people sitting in front of the food stand. “I have sensory issues, they get pretty bad sometimes,”

“Oh. Do you… need to get out of here?” 

“Probably. I’ll just, uh, make my way back and you can go find Harley. Sorry.” Helena moved to start making her way down the wall of the rink to the exit.

“No! No, I’ll help you.” Dinah rested her hand on Helena’s elbow. 

“No, I… you should just go have fun, I’ll be fine.”

“Hey, I’m not gonna make you go back on your own.” Dinah said, a firmness in her tone that told Helena she probably shouldn’t argue anymore. She let Dinah lead her back to the exit of the rink, and there was this kinda… protective energy about Dinah. 

* * *

They had made it outside for Helena to cool down, after a bit of resistance from Helena when Dinah started taking off her skates with her. Dinah had told her she skated at least every week, so she wouldn’t be missing much, and that Harley would be fine on her own. 

They sat on the curb, the sun fully set now and the street lights illuminating them, with a bit of neon tinge from the roller rinks flashing sign. 

“Have you always had sensory issues?” Dinah asked, breaking their not totally uncomfortable silence. Helena turned to her looking a bit surprised, and she quickly added, “Not that, I’m like… trying to pry.”

“No, uh, it’s okay…” Helena had just never had anyone really care before, “yeah, as long as I can remember.” Dinah nodded slowly. “I, uh…”

She felt almost eerily open right now, and though she never imagined talking to Dinah about this, especially this early, she continued, “I was diagnosed with autism when I was ten.” 

“Okay,” Dinah said softly, “that’s cool.” 

Cool. Helena chuckled a bit, running a hand through her hair.

“What?” Dinah furrowed her brows.

“Nothing, I just… I’ve always just been scared to talk about it, I guess.” 

“That makes sense.” Dinah said.

“Yeah,” 

Silence hung in there air again, and Helena noticed her knee was brushing against Dinah’s, and she didn’t really mind.

“So,” Dinah started after a beat, “What are your rats actually called?”

“What?”

“Your rats, I’m pretty sure Dog and Howard aren’t actually their names.” Dinah chuckled. 

“Okay, yeah,” Helena sighed, “maybe not. I was just… nervous.” 

Dinah nodded. “Figured. So?” 

“Just,” Helena sighed again, “don’t make fun of me, okay?” 

“Never would.” It sounded a lot like an actual promise, and it tugged at Helena’s heart.

“Rattuccine Alfredo and Ratatoni.” Helena cringed as she said it, squeezing her eyes shut.

“Wow,” Dinah said, “those are some killer names.” Helena glared at her, “I mean it! Hell of a couple of names for some rats.” 

They both broke off into laughter, and as it died down the doors to the roller rink swung open, booming music drifting into the air before it cut off again as the doors shut. 

“Hey, Harley told me I’d find you out here.” They turned around to see a man hovering behind them with thick curly graying hair. 

“Hey, dad.” Dinah greeted him. Oh. Her dad.

“What are you up to? Who’s this?” He looked to Helena. He had a pretty laid back energy about him.

“This is Helena, she’s from school. We’re just chilling.”

“Hey, Helena. I’m Derek Lance.” He nodded to her casually. 

“Hi,” Helena said, anxiety twisting inside her. Dinah’s dad wasn’t particularly scary, but any new authority figure made her nervous.

Derek turned back to Dinah, “well, just wanted to see what you were up to, and tell you that I probably won’t be home until late.” 

Dinah nodded, “Okay.”

“There is food at home, but if you want I could give you gals some money to go out to eat.” 

Dinah perked up,”that would be cool,” 

“Thought so,” he pulled some bills out of his shirt pocket, handing them to her. “Have fun. Love you.” 

“Thanks, love you too, dad.” 

Derek smiled warmly, leaning down to noogie her a bit. Dinah shoved his hand away with a giggle.

“See you later kid, nice to meet you Helena.” And then he disappeared back inside the building. 

Dinah pocketed the money, “we should probably go find Harley.” 

“Yeah,” a pause, “you’re dad’s pretty cool.” 

“Yeah, he is,” Dinah smiled softly, “he’s trying his best, since…” she tensed a bit, playing with her hands in her lap. 

“Since what?”

“Since my mom died,”

“Oh. I’m so sorry,” Helena thought it sounded lame. She wasn’t very good at comforting people. She didn’t even know how to cope with her own feelings most of the time, let alone other peoples. She cared so much though, she just didn’t know how to express it. 

“Yeah,” Dinah shrugged, “it was a while ago, so I’m pretty okay now, stuff is just… still weird sometimes.” 

Helena nodded, trying to search for something to say, maybe something she would want someone to say to her about her own family’s passing, but Harley’s voice rang out from behind them before she had the chance. “What are we up to, girls?” 

“Just talking.” Dinah stretched, going to stand up. “Dad gave me money so we could go get something to eat.” 

“Oooh! Thank you Derek,” Harley clapped. 

Helena stood too, and they made their way to Dinah’s car, Harley chattering about her adventures alone on the rink. 

* * *

Twenty minutes later they were at a Mcdonalds that was apparently close to Dinah’s house, after Harley had suggested it and Helena had told them she hadn’t ever really had Mcdonalds before, resulting in Dinah and Harley demanding they had to go. 

They sat in a booth in the back, volume probably too loud for a Mcdonalds at 8 at night. 

“What do you mean you don’t like it?!” Harley exclaimed.

“I don’t know. It’s just kinda… gross. I like the soda though.” Helena shrugged. 

Harley scoffed, “You just spent too long in Sicily, you’re a little food snob!” Dinah laughed from beside her in the booth.

“I’m not a snob! I just have taste.” 

“Snob! You’re a snobby little jock lady!” 

Helena scoffed. Dinah cackled now, a few heads turning to look at them snidely. 

“God! We go to the greatest fast food chain in America and you only like the sprite.” Harley shook her head, shoving a couple fries in her mouth. 

“I think ‘the greatest fast food chain in America’ is a big overstatement,” Dinah said.

Harley gasped, going off and the most ridiculous defense of Mcdonalds Helena thinks she will ever hear. 

* * *

It was 10 o’clock by the time they dropped her off, and Helena’s face was still sore from smiling when she slipped into the house. It was dark aside from a lamp and the tv in the living room, both illuminating her uncle George from where he sat on the couch. 

He turned to her when he heard the front door shut, looking her over. “Where were you?”

“Hung out with some friends.” She shrugged, “Declan told you right?”

He nodded and turned back to the tv, taking a sip from a drink in his hand.

She turned down the hall to her room, slipping inside and plopping down on her bed. She toed her shoes off, rolling over onto her side to watch Rattuccine Alfredo and Ratatoni in their cage. 

She let the silence of her room aside from the rats little squeaks envelope her, thinking over the past four hours. 

“Cool.” She smiled softly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> s/o once again to the monster island stan group discord, half of the jokes in this are born there!
> 
> also, if y'all have any ideas or suggestions of things you'd like to see, feel free to comment them! this fic is pretty open rn


	4. Early Oct. (1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helena finds Dinah's presence at practice makes her nervous. Helena meets Renee and Cass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always thank you for any kudos or comments last chapter, i really hope some of u are having as much fun with this as i am 
> 
> also, i made a small edit in a previous chapter to fix timeline stuff, but all you need to know is that we are currently in early october.

In the week since the evening at the roller rink, Helena learned a lot. She learned that the years she’s spent observing people comes in handy, and that she’s grown surprisingly good at reading people. She learned that Dinah is just that nice all the time, and that feeling she gives her isn’t going away anytime soon. She’s learned a lot about what having friends like this really means.

She also learned that Harley sends a lot of emojis in her texts, and that punctuation was clearly not a priority. She somehow managed to be loud even in text. 

She was in the groupchat she had created for them the day after the night at the roller rink, typing in all caps. ‘DINAH DO U THNK HELENA CAN COME OVER AFTER SCHOOL’, and then a string of unrelated emojis. Dinah’s typing bubble pops up. ‘i’ll ask dad’ she sends. She’s also learned that Harley moved in with Dinah at the end of last year. Something about her dad being a shit head. 

Helena sat there, unsure if she should be saying something. ‘COOL’, Harley sent, with more emojis. How was the pancake emoji relevant right now?

Dinah’s typing bubble again, ‘he said yeah’, more typing, ‘helena do you wanna come over after school?’

‘PLS SAY YES’ god that was fast. Helena glanced up at her physiology teacher before typing back, ‘I can’t, practice. Sorry.’ 

She did wish she could go. Really did, actually. Harley sent back a bunch of sad faces. ‘what time does it end?’ Dinah asks.

‘4:30’ Helena replies. 

‘what if we just hang out and watch you practice and then we can go back to ours?’ 

Harley’s bubble pops up again, ‘YAHYAH! I WANNA WATCH U PRACTICE PLS JOCK LADY!’ more emojis. Deep down, she liked Harley a lot, but god she didn’t know how much of this she could take. 

‘harley chill’ Dinah says.  _ Thank  _ you. 

More frowny faces from Harley.

‘I don’t know, I don’t want you guys to have to just sit around for a couple hours.’ 

‘its cool! we’ll sit in the stands and keep each other company. i’ve been wanting to see you play!’ Dinah says.

Harley sends another plea with more horrendous emojis. ‘I guess,’ Helena types, ‘it’s not really playing though. We’re just doing drills.’ 

‘we’ll see you there!’ Dinah sends with a smiley face. Helena can’t even fully decode whatever excited jumble Harley sends. 

She sighs, texting George that she’d be home late before pocketing her phone. The idea of Dinah watching her at practice made her anxious. They had a game this weekend, and she needed to focus. They had another month and a half or so of the season left, and they really needed to bring it if they were gonna make it to state. 

* * *

She had seen Dinah and Harley making their way to the field as she was going to the locker rooms. The anxiety that had been dormant within her the last couple hours boiled up, and she took a deep breath as she fiddled with the lock on her locker. 

“You okay?” A voice asked from beside her.

She looked to see Maya, her locker neighbor, eyeing her with a raised eyebrow.

“Fine. Good.” Helena blurted, turning back to her locker to dig out her practice clothes.

“Seems like it,” Maya smiled, unlocking her own locker. Hm. Sarcasm. 

Helena shook her head, and pulled her shirt over her head to change.

As the team approached the field, trailing behind coach, she could see Dinah and Harley sitting up in the stands. They waved when she got close enough, Dinah casually and Harley standing and waving her hand vigorously through the air. A few girls on the team glanced at each other, amused. 

Helena drew her lips in a tight line. Maybe one day Harley will learn what being chill is. Probably not. 

As coach went over what drills they’d be doing and gave the usual game week pep talk, Helena tried to ignore Dinah and Harley’s presence. She couldn’t stop herself from glancing over though, once making eye contact with Dinah, the girl giving her a smile. Helena snapped her eyes back to coach, trying to supress the stupid fucking butterflies in her stomach. 

She was off her game. The little disappointed looks from coach when she fucked something up were aggravating. She was usually very on top of everything, probably one of the best players. Stupid feelings. Stupid Dinah and her pretty face and the way her simple existence affected her. Okay that was mean. Dinah wasn’t stupid. Far from it. She was just upset. 

Helena groaned, running a hand through her hair. 

“Seriously what’s up? You’re usually very broody but on top of you shit.” Maya appeared beside her. 

Helena glanced at the stands, Dinah and Harley not actually looking for once as they chatted. “I’m fine.” 

Maya followed her line of sight. A beat. “One of them your girlfriend or something?” 

“What?! No, no. They’re my friends.” Possibly a weird amount of defensive, on her part.

“Okay, damn. Sorry.” Maya laughed. “Well, something about ‘ems clearly messing with your head there, Bertinelli.” 

Helena thought this was quite presumptuous. She’d barely spoken to Maya before this. She didn’t know anything. Even if she was, well, right. Whatever. 

“Whatever.” Helena brushed her off, making Maya smirk. 

“I see you, Bertinelli.” And then she walked off. What the fuck does that even mean? 

Towards the end of practice, she hadn’t gotten all that much better. She made her way through catching and passing drills alright, but she could still feel Dinah’s eyes on her. This had been two very long hours. 

“Alright girls!” Coach’s voice called out. They huddled around her. “Good work today, go get changed.” The team dispersed, chatting as they made their way back to the locker rooms. “Hang back a sec Bertinelli,” Coach said as she had just turned away. 

Oh god. “What’s up?”

“You feeling okay?” Coach was a couple inches shorter than her, but still somehow managed to feel taller.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just distracted today. Won’t happen again.” Helena swallowed thickly, fingers tapping at her thigh. 

Coach eyed her. “Alright,” she nodded sharply, “go get changed.” 

Helena nodded, and as she turned to go back to the locker rooms, Dinah and Harley were walking across the field towards her. 

“Finally got to see you in all your jock glory!” Harley clapped, smiling. 

“I don’t know about glory,” Helena muttered, rubbing her neck. “Not today anyway.”

“Aw come on! You were great! Doing all the running and the… throwing and catching with the stick,” Harley patted her back, making her frown.

“Yeah, thanks.” 

“You were cute out there.” Dinah smiled at her. 

“Oh, uh,” Helena sputtered, “thanks.” 

Dinah nodded, “anytime.”

It hung in the air for a second, Helena looking down at her shoes and Dinah still just smiling, before Harley said, “okay love birds, we should get goin’.” 

Helena sputtered again, Dinah giggling as she watched her flounder. “Go on and get changed.” Dinah nodded towards the locker rooms. 

“I- okay.” 

There were only a couple girls still left in the locker rooms when she got there, mostly changed out and just chatting. Maya was gone, luckily. She’s pretty sure she was still bright red, and she was sure she would have teased her about that. 

She was alone by the time she was tying her shoes. She took her foot off the bench and set it back on the floor, sighing. Dinah was definitely getting to her head. She knew she was really gay, obviously, but no girl has ever really affected her like this. She didn’t like it. It was fucking with her head.

She threw her bag over her shoulder, standing to go meet Harley and Dinah. 

They were right outside the building, Harley smiling wickedly while Dinah seemed a bit upset, speaking in a hushed voice. “Can you just... be subtle for once? I-” 

“What’s up?” They turned to look at Helena, Harley only grinning wider while Dinah’s eyes went wide.

“Nothing! Nothing, just chatting.” 

Harley laughed, Dinah smacking her shoulder. 

“Okay…” Helena pulled at her backpack strap, eyes shifting to the side and then back to them.

“We should get going! Dad might start worrying.” Dinah headed for the parking lot. 

“You know he doesn’t care about-” Harley started.

Dinah shushed her, walking faster. Harley cackled, following after Dinah with Helena a step behind her. 

That was weird, right? Dinah was being...secretive. It made her uneasy. Dinah wouldn’t be saying anything bad about her, right? She couldn’t really help but feel like that could be the case. Why else would she be acting so weird when she showed up?

The ride to Dinah and Harley’s was more normal. Harley yammered on about some weird shit she was up to today, and Helena and Dinah cracked jokes and took solace in the fact that they were sane. 

Dinah’s house was pretty average lowish-middle class, with some choice lawn decorations. Helena can’t say she expected the amount of lawn gnomes and… interesting sculptures. There was one particular one that was a frog in a business suit. 

“My dad has some exquisite taste, I know.” Dinah appeared beside her in the driveway, looking at the frog sculpture with her. 

“Hey! Derek’s decorations  _ are  _ exquisite!” Harley appeared from the other side of the car. Helena scoffed, Dinah shaking her head in amusement. 

“You shitting on my decorations again, D?” Derek himself appeared on the porch. 

“‘Course not, dad, you know I love Mr. Hop.” Dinah smiled, walking up the steps to the front door. He smacked her shoulder lightly, both of them laughing.

“The frogs name is Mr. Hop?” Helena asked quietly to Harley 

Harley nodded enthusiastically. “He’s a serious businessman!” 

“Huh,” Helena followed Harley up the walkway. 

The inside of the house was not void of the same kind of silly decor, paintings of animals playing poker hung near the front door. Derek went to the kitchen, Harley following him after they all had set their backpacks by the door, Dinah and Helena still standing by the front door as Helena viewed the paintings.

“Mom never let him hang more than one up when she was still around,” Dinah said. “Definitely one of the reasons I miss her.” She chuckled. Helena only nodded, eyes still trained on the paintings.

“Cass!” They heard Harley exclaim from the kitchen.

Dinah left quickly for the kitchen with an “ooh!”, Helena trailing behind her with furrowed brows. 

Derek leaned against the kitchen counter, sipping a soda. A woman sat at the kitchen table, a toddler in her lap with Harley and Dinah crouched in front of them.

“Hey baby!” Dinah cooed, scrunching at the toddler's shirt. The kid grinned at Dinah, saying hi back in a precious little voice that even Helena melted at a bit.

“How ya doin’?” Harley asked, standing up straight.

“Good!” The toddler said, still smiling. 

“That’s good to hear!” Dinah said, ruffling the kid’s hair. The kid giggled, trying to push Dinah’s hand away. Helena stood by the entrance to the kitchen feeling a bit awkward as she just watched on.

“She’s been asking about you guys so I figured I’d come hang out,” the woman said before she looked to see Helena. “Who’s this?”

Dinah glanced back at Helena. “Oh, this is our friend from school. Her name’s Helena. Helena this is Renee and Cass.” She gestured to the woman and baby respectively. 

“Hey.” Renee nodded to her. Helena gave a small wave back.

“You don’t have to lurk. Come join us.” Dinah waved her over. Helena stepped into the kitchen warily, stopping a few feet short of the table. Dinah and Harley continued on talking to Cass and Renee, catching up. Helena felt no less like she was lurking from here. Probably even more so.

“So, Helena, you play sports?” Renee asked after a bit, eyeing her letterman jacket.

Helena glanced down at the big letter ‘G’ stitched onto the jacket. “Uh, yeah, lacrosse.” 

“Really? I used to play when I went to Gotham High.” Renee nodded approvingly.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah, didn’t play into college though.” Renee shrugged, “You gonna?”

“Oh, uh, no, I don’t think so...”

Renee nodded in understanding. “You guys got any games coming up?” 

“One this weekend, actually,” 

“What?!” Harley gaped. “Why didn’t you tell us?”

“Didn’t come up ‘til now.” Helena shrugged. 

“We totally gotta go see you play!” Dinah said.

Shit. Fuck. After her performance in practice today, Dinah being up in the stands during a game may not end very well. “Oh, uh, I don’t know…” she trailed off.

“Nope! It’s final, we’ll be there, jock lady!”

“Oh, great…” Helena swallowed thickly.

“Count me in.” Renee said.

“Me too!” Cass spoke up from Renee’s lap. Did three year olds even know what lacrosse was? Helena doesn’t know a whole lot about toddlers, apparently…

“It’ll be nice to actually see you play for real.” Dinah smiled warmly.

“Yeah…” 

They moved on, eventually ending up talking about how Renee having trouble finding a preschool to put Cass into that’s close enough to the Gotham University campus, Derek pitching in some advice.

“Hey,” Dinah said as Derek was explaining the red flags to look out for in preschools, “We’re gonna go hang out in me and Harley’s room.”

Derek nodded, “okay,” and went back to what he was saying. Harley and Dinah headed out the kitchen down the hall, Helena following behind them. 

Dinah and Harley’s room was very them. It was divided down the middle, Dinah’s side with sunflowers painted up the wall and what must be some posters of indie artists Helena didn’t really recognize. Her bed sheets were yellow with blue accents, a night stand next to the bed with a jewelry stand. 

Harley’s side was a bit of a train wreck. Clothes were thrown about but she apparently managed to do a pretty good job of keeping them away from Dinah’s side. There was graffiti style art painted on the wall, art and band posters covering any spot that wasn’t painted on. A mirror that was painted on the edges hung by the foot of her bed. 

Helena’s room felt very boring now. She had a couple posters up, sure, but for the most part it was tidy and plain, at least compared to this. 

They sat on their respective beds, slipping their shoes off, leaving Helena standing in the middle of the room. 

“You can take your shoes off,” Dinah said as she moved to put her shoes against the foot of her bed. Harley left hers in the middle of the floor. 

Helena bent down to untie her docs, struggling a bit to actually get out of them before deciding to set them against the wall next to the door. 

“You can come sit,” Dinah patted next to her on the bed. 

Helena took a hesitant seat as Harley slipped off of her bed onto the floor, leaning her head against the side of her bed. “Ugh, I don’t think I could have taken another second of preschool talk.” 

“Me either,” Dinah agreed. 

“So,” Helena said after a moment of silence, “is Renee Cass’ mom?”

“Yeah, pretty much. She’s her niece, actually, but her cousin passed last year.” Dinah said.

Harley nodded. “Yeah. Everyone thought she was kinda crazy for adopting a kid when she’s still in school.” 

“She seems like a good mom,” Helena said.

“She is. Renee’s kinda been a mom her whole life to be honest. My mom went to college with hers, so I’ve known her my whole life. She was always looking after me growing up” Dinah leaned back on her hands, looking off at Harley’s side of the room in thought. 

“Yeah,” Harley said, “Renee’s the best. Even if I annoy her sometimes.”

“More like very frequently,” Dinah raised her eyebrows.

“Whatever,” Harley clapped once, “So, when are we meeting the rats, jock lady?”

“Oh, yeah! I wanna meet the boys.”. 

“Someday, I guess,” Helena shrugged. 

“Don’t do that! Promise us we’ll meet them soon.” Harley pouted.

Helena sighed. “Fine, okay. Soon.”

Helena eventually got comfortable as they talked, time slipping by them as they chatted about everything and nothing for an hour. 

Harley was still on the floor, laying on her side now. Dinah layed back on her bed, Helena still sat beside her, leaning back on her hands. 

“So,” Harley started, “you got anyone you  _ like _ , Helena?” There was a glint Helena most certainly did not like in her eyes. 

“What are we, 12?” Dinah scoffed.

“Yes,” Harley said. “I am.”

“Got that right.” Helena muttered. 

“C’mon, spill, jock lady, what’s goin’ on in Helena Bertinelli’s love life?” Harley propped herself up on an arm.

Helena laughed dryly. “Nothing is.”

“Really? No one that makes your heart race?” Harley had definitely reached the point of teasing, toeing the line of invasive as far as Helena was concerned. 

They did know she was gay right? Everyone had to know that. She was, well, everything about herself. Harley herself was bi. Dinah she wasn’t really sure about. Knowing her luck she was straight. It didn’t matter either way, though. Dinah would certainly never be interested in her. Dinah was nice and kind and soft, and Helena was anything but. 

“Can it, clown lady.” Dinah said, blindly throwing a bracelet from her own wrist at Harley. She managed to hit her still, the bracelet landing on Harley’s knee. 

“Aww! You called me clown lady,” Harley’s hand rested on her chest now, what seemed like a genuine touched expression on her face.

A sudden knock on the door and then Derek appeared, the door now cracked and him leaning through it. “Hey, Helena, do you wanna stay for dinner? I was gonna order a pizza.”

“Oh, uh, I can’t, actually. I should probably get home. Homework.” And she had to feed the rats, but she didn’t need to tell Derek that. 

“Well, if you ever feel like it you can stay anytime you like.” Derek offered. Harley pouted now.

Dinah sat up, “Guess I’m driving you home,”

“Yeah,” Helena stood, getting her shoes and trying to get them back on as fast as possible while Dinah waited, Derek still hovering. 

“Goodbye jock lady!” Harley said when Helena straightened back up, waving from her spot on the floor. 

“See you Harley,” 

Derek stepped back into the hall, letting Dinah and Helena come out. 

“Thank you for letting me come over, uh, Mr. Lance,” Helena said. He towered over her a bit, making the unease worse. 

“Please, just call me Derek. And anytime!” 

“Okay,” 

Derek turned down the hall, going back to the kitchen, “See you later!” He called.

Helena just nodded, letting Dinah lead her to the front door. 

“Sorry if my dad’s intimidating you a bit,” Dinah said as Helena picked her bag up, throwing it over her shoulder.

“No, he’s cool, any kind of authority figure just make me kinda… nervous,” 

“I don’t know how much of an authority figure he is,” Dinah chuckled, looking to the paintings on the wall, “you did see those, right?”

Helena glanced at the paintings, smiling. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” 

They didn’t talk much the drive home, Dinah playing music from her phone; Indie pop stuff Helena didn’t really recognize. 

Silence had never been something Helena had much of a problem with. Less so with Dinah, she thinks. It was nice to just kind of be. She didn’t have to worry about saying anything. She could just sit, Dinah beside her. 

There really was a special energy about Dinah. She hadn’t known her that long, but she was more comfortable with her than she had been with anyone. 

“So,” Dinah said when they had parked outside Helena’s house. “You seemed a bit… apprehensive about us coming to the game.”

“Oh,” So she had noticed. 

“What’s up?” Dinah asked, that sincere look from the roller rink back in her eyes. 

“I just, um,” Helena fumbled with her hands in her lap. “I guess you just make me kind of… nervous,” 

“I do?”

“Like, at practice today, I couldn’t really focus…” Helena shrugged. It was stupid. She was stupid. She should just shut up. 

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” She knew well enough that she did, in fact, know exactly why Dinah made her so nervous. 

Dinah hummed softly. ‘Well you don’t have to be nervous. We’ll all,” She paused, “I’ll be there to support you.” 

Helena could feel something bubbling up in her stomach, cheeks reddening. “Thanks. I’ll, uh, I’ll see you tomorrow.” And she scrambled out the car, clutching her bag.

She walked up the walkway all too fast, opening her front door and shutting it behind her, leaning her back against it.

She was stupid. Stupid and doomed. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! 
> 
> next chapter should be all about the game, which is daunting for me as i know very little about lacrosse. i dont know if i could have picked a sport i know less about. i am clown man.


	5. Early Oct. (2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's girls lacrosse game day at Gotham High. Hanging out at a convenience store with your crush is pretty epic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright folks im keeping you on ur toes, we've got a dinah perspective chapter
> 
> as always thank you for any kudos or comments on last chapter :-)

“Harley! Hurry up!”

“I’m going as fast as I can! Cool it,” Harley’s voice came from the other side of the bathroom door. She had been in there for the last half hour, and if she didn’t get out soon they weren’t gonna find good seats for the game.

“What planet am I on where you’re the one telling me to cool it,” Dinah scoffed, leaning against the door frame. 

“The one where you’re a gay mess,” Harley laughed.

“Fuck off.” Dinah muttered, but there was no real bite. She wasn’t exactly wrong.

A minute later, the bathroom door opened and out came Harley, finally. 

“Really?” Dinah asked with a raised brow, looking over Harley’s makeup. She had purple and black triangles under and above her eyes, an exaggerated smile painted on her lips in purple. ‘I think you’re taking the clown thing a little serious.” 

“What? I’m clown lady- and I’ve got school spirit!” Clown makeup in the school colors was the epitome of school spirit, apparently. 

Dinah rolled her eyes. “Whatever, we gotta get going.” 

After making sure they had everything, and stopping by the kitchen to tell dad they were leaving, they headed out for Dinah’s car. 

“You know,” Harley started as they pulled out of the driveway, “I’m surprised you didn’t go all out in purple and black, to support your lady.” 

“She’s not my- shut up.” Dinah felt her cheeks warming. Harley cackled beside her. “And for the record,” she said over Harley’s laughter, “I am playing it cool.” 

The decision on her black crop top with jeans and her purple studded belt had probably been too meticulous. The colors were still there, but it wasn’t over doing it. Casual. 

“I don’t really think playing it cool is the way to go with Helena. I’m pretty sure you’re gonna have to be more clear with her.” Harley propped her foot up on the dash.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Dinah sighed. “Now get your foot off my dash,” she leaned over to swat at Harley’s ankle. 

Harley put her foot down with a pout. “You’re no fun. But seriously, you should just tell her you’re interested. Like, romantically.” 

“I know, I know. Do you think I should tell her tonight? What if they lose… could I still tell her if they lose? Would that be weird?” Dinah gripped at the steering wheel, feeling panic rise in her chest.

Since she had dropped off Helena earlier that week, her anxiety had been on overdrive. Helena had told her she makes her nervous. At practice she couldn’t focus, because of her. That meant something. 

“Jeesh, you’ve got it bad. I’ve never seen you be this nervous about somebody before.” 

“I know... it’s just, she’s like, different. I haven’t even known her that long but there’s just something like… entrancing about her, I don’t know,” Dinah shrugged.

“Her? Entrancing? The rat owning jock?” 

“Shut up.” Dinah grumbled. “I don’t know why I try to tell you anything,”

“Okay, I’m sorry.” Harley sighed. “Seriously though, she’s just a girl. What’s the worst that’s gonna happen? She really likes you, very clearly as more than a friend. Even if she didn’t, it wouldn’t ruin your friendship. She trusts you.” 

“That’s actually helpful, thank you,” Dinah glanced to the passenger seat. As difficult as Harley was sometimes, she did have her moments. 

“You’re welcome,” 

“So like, for real do you think I can still tell her if they lose?”

* * *

Dinah didn’t really know what to expect when it came to girls lacrosse game attendance, but the parking lot was decently filled. Not as much as it would be for a football game, but still. 

It was 5:38 when they parked, and the game was set to start at 6. Hopefully they could still find good seats.

They paid the 5 dollar admission fee at the booth set up outside the field, and filed inside. 

“Ya think Renee and Cass are already here?” Harley asked, searching the stands alongside Dinah. Just then she spotted them, sat around the middle of the stands with a couple of empty seats next to them. 

They maneuvered up the stairs in the aisle of the stands, side stepping awkwardly past some people before getting to Renee and Cass and greeting them as they sat.

“Nice flannel,” Dinah commented, referencing Renee’s black and purple flannel.

“Yeah, I still got Gotham High spirit.” Renee nodded. 

Somewhere between then and five minutes before the game started, Harley had managed to dig some makeup out of her bag and gave Cass little purple and black stripes under her eyes, for necessary school spirit purposes. Cass had giggled, squirming a little as Harley applied the makeup. 

Soon enough an announcer’s voice came over the speakers, introducing both of the teams onto the field. Gotham high came out first, and Dinah struggled for a moment to spot Helena. She caught her eventually though, stretching amongst her teammates in their purple and black uniforms. She looked stupidly cute in a school mandated uniform. 

“There’s your girl,” Harley elbowed her side. Renee glanced over at her with a raised eyebrow. Dinah grumbled for Harley to shut up, focusing on the field. 

Helena’s eyes met hers when she straightened up, pulling one arm across her chest with her elbow as she looked up at the stands. Dinah smiled, giving a little wave, and Helena looked a bit flustered when she waved back. 

She watched one of Helena’s teammates say something to her then, smirking. Helena flushed, shaking her head as she said something back. Hm.

“You don’t think there’s anything going on with her and that girl do you?” She asked Harley, watching the interaction. 

“Nah. Helena doesn’t have that dopey look she gets when she talks to you.” Harley sounded very sure of herself. She’s probably right.

“God I do not miss high school lesbian drama,” Renee sighed. 

“From what I hear college lesbian drama isn’t much better.”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Renee shrugged.

Dinah knew pretty much nothing about lacrosse, aside from the fact that you toss a ball around with a big stick and that Regina George played it at the end of mean girls. She had told Helena as much, who had just told her it wasn’t all that complicated. Hopefully she was right.

Suddenly all the girls on the field were armed with their sticks, and two girls from each team met in the middle of the field as their teams spread out behind them, goalies at their positions. The ball was thrown into the air, the game officially starting as the girl from Gotham High caught it in the net of her stick, quick to make her way down the field to the other team’s goal. 

She looked around for Helena, finding her already in full concentration mode as she tracked the ball as it got passed around, ready if her teammate needed to pass to her. 

By what had to be like ten minutes into the game, it was 1 to 0, the other school in the lead, and Dinah had spent the whole time tracking Helena on the field and tuning out Harley’s commentary and like half listening to Renee’s actually helpful commentary. 

“God I can barely keep track of where the ball is going,” Harley squinted at the field.

Dinah couldn’t really tell how long it had been after a while, but half time had to be coming up soon. According to Renee it would be ten minutes. It was 3 to 2 then, Gotham High in the lead now. Helena seemed to have definitely worked through a way to keep her focus, working up and down the field passing and catching. 

Dinah found there was something kind of entrancing about it all, trying to keep track of where the ball was going up and down the field while also trying to always know where Helena was. It wasn’t like the most interesting thing ever, Dinah had never really liked watching sports anyway, but she couldn’t complain about getting to watch Helena. 

Halftime came soon, no one having scored again, and for the first time since the game started Helena looked up at the stands as the teams walked off the field. She found Dinah pretty quickly, still panting a bit from the exertion of the game as she waved. Dinah felt her throat go a bit dry when Helena ran a hand through her hair, looking at Dinah for a moment longer before going to grab her water bottle from the side lines. 

“I’m gonna go get some snacks for Cass,” Renee said as she went to stand, holding Cass at her hip. “You girls want anything?”

“Ooh! Can you get me gatorade?” Harley asked as Dinah shook her head. 

“Sure thing,” Renee said, side stepping by them. 

“Can I get one too?” Cass asked as they started down the steps.

“Of course you can honey,” and they were gone.

“So,” Harley turned to her, wiggling her eyebrows. “You were really swooning there.” 

“Whatever,” Dinah brushed her off, but her eyes landed back on Helena as she chugged her water. 

“Epitome of yearning right there,” Harley said in a dreamy voice.

“Shut up.” 

Renee and Cass came back by the time halftime was almost over with a couple chip bags and two gatorades, taking their seats, Renee passing one of the drinks to Harley. 

The announcer told them half time was up after a couple minutes, and the girls took the field again with some replenished energy. Helena glanced up at her quickly, stick gripped and at the ready. They were back at it then, ball making its way down the field again.

Harley was clearly getting a bit bored by halfway through the second half, yammering on more to try to keep herself entertained. Renee had hushed her a couple times already. Cass giggled as Harley went on some tangent about what if they played with sticks twice the size of the normal ones, which was something Dinah didn’t care to actually pay attention to. 

The score was 5 to 7, the other team once again in the lead. Dinah was actually getting invested, a little worried Gotham High wouldn’t pull ahead in the end. 

More time passed and the game was getting closer to coming to an end then, five minutes left according to the announcer. Gotham High had since evened the score out pretty quickly, tied at 7 to 7. Helena was clearly in deep focus, her whole world probably this one game right now. 

Game Helena was definitely unlike any other Helena Dinah had met yet. She was all confidence and focus and not someone Dinah would ever think named her rats Rattuccine Alfredo and Ratatoni. 

The game was closing in even more then, and the girls were all on Gotham Highs side of the field, one of the other teams girls making a pass that was intercepted by one of the Gotham High girls. She ran with it down the field, dodging a few of the other team’s girls. 

Dinah watched Helena make her way down the field, cutting past some of the other team’s girls. The girl with the ball got blocked off then, making a quick pass to Helena. Helena booked it, dodging a couple girls and taking her shot, ball flinging through the air and past the goalies head, hitting the net. 

Dinah’s voice was louder amongst everyone else’s cheers, clapping so hard her hands hurt. Helena smiled brightly on the field, her teammates around her grinning too, a few of them patting her on the back. Helena’s eyes found Dinah’s, and she smiled wider.

The game ended after another minute or so, and the other team failed to score again, finalizing that Gotham High had won, and Helena had scored the winning goal. 

* * *

Most of the people had left now, the teams back in the locker rooms. Dinah and Harley hung around, Renee and Cass already having headed home. They were inside the school now, lurking in the hall where the locker rooms were, a few other people hanging around too. 

“So, you’re gonna tell her right?” Harley asked, rocking back and forth on her heels. 

“Yeah, I think so.” Dinah breathed deeply, watching the doors to the locker room. 

Girls from the other team started to file out of one door, changed out of their uniforms and carrying bags. 

“What’s taking so long?” Dinah sighed, leaning against the wall.

“Coach is probably giving ‘em a speech or somethin’.” Harley shrugged. 

After like 10 minutes the other team was already all gone, and it seemed most of the Gotham High girls had left. Not Helena though. 

Eventually, Helena did come out though, behind the girl she had been talking to right before the game started. 

“I just-” Helena had started to say before Dinah and Harley caught her eye. “Oh!”, she flushed a bit, “hey guys,” 

Helena was changed out, as well as her teammate, but her hair was a mess, damp with sweat. She had her letterman jacket on, sleeves pushed up to her elbows, a bag swung over her shoulder.

“Hey jock lady! Great game out there. I can’t say I wasn’t bored for part of it but that was a good score!” Harley grinned.

“Thanks?” Helena furrowed her brows.

“You’re welcome!”

“It was, uh, a good game, though. You were awesome out there.” Dinah smiled softly.

“Thanks,” Dinah watched Helena’s fingers tap at her thigh. Dinah had noticed she did that a lot.

“So who’s this?” Harley asked, gesturing to Helena’s teammate.

“Oh, uh, this is-”

“Maya,” The girl finished. “Sup,”

“I’m Harley, and this is Dinah,” 

“So I’ve heard,” Maya nodded.

“You have?” Dinah asked with a raised eyebrow, glancing to Helena who was conveniently looking at the floor. Maya just nodded again.

“Well, do you wanna get slurpees with us?” Harley asked.

Maya shrugged. “Why not,”

\--------------

The aesthetic of a 7/11 on a saturday night was one Dinah enjoyed. Something that felt very typical teen. The main light source was the bright lights from the inside, illuminating the whole curb out front. The big sign flickered every couple seconds. 

There were a few patrons inside, mostly middle aged men. The slurpee wall was the main attraction, and for once all the machines were in order. They got their slurpees, Harley mixing all the flavors together like the monster she was. 

They paid and made their way back outside, sitting on the curb. 

“You can’t actually enjoy that,” Maya scoffed.

“I’m convinced that she really doesn’t, she just likes to be a nuisance.” Dinah said.

“I’ll have you know that I do, I am a master flavor mixer,” Harley insisted.

“You just mixed all of the flavors.” Helena glanced at Harley’s slurpee in disgust.

“You guys just don’t understand my artistery,” 

After a half hour, all their drinks trashed, Harley and Maya had started talking about music and were now jamming in Dinah’s car, Helena and Dinah still sat on the curb. They had sat mostly in silence, knees brushing. It felt a lot like it did back at the roller rink.

“So,” Dinah had decided to say. “You seemed pretty confident at the game.” 

“Yeah,” Helena messed with the sleeve on her jacket. “After a lot of thinking I realized it’d be a lot worse if I totally choked with you there, so, that got me on track pretty quickly.” 

“Well, you played good. You were cute out there, all focused.” Dinah smiled, watching Helena’s side profile as she looked at her shoes. 

“Oh, um, thank you,” there was that red spreading on her face again. 

A chill ran over Dinah’s body then, wrapping her arms around herself. Helena glanced at her. “You cold?”

“A little,” Dinah shrugged. It had been starting to get chillier at night as they got deeper into fall. 

“Here,” Helena said, peeling off her letterman jacket, revealing her dark purple sleeveless crop top. She laid the jacket over Dinah’s shoulders. 

“Oh, thank you,” Dinah swallowed, pulling the jacket farther over her shoulders. “Are you sure you won’t get cold?” 

“No,” Helena shook her head. “I’m okay.” 

They sat like that for a moment. If she was going to do this tonight, the time was now. 

“So, I’ve been thinking a lot,” she started. 

“About?” 

“About how… I really like you,” Dinah inhaled deeply.

“I really like you too, even Harley, I’ve never really had friends before,” 

“And I’m glad that you feel comfortable with us, but I was thinking… that I like you in… more than a friend kind of way,” Dinah pulled her knees to her chest. 

“Oh,”

“Oh?” A nervous warmth crawled its way up her chest.

“I like you in a more than a friend kind of way, too. I’ve never really felt like this before, though. It’s all been kind of,” Helena sighed, “weird.” 

“Bad weird?”

“Good weird, I think.” 

Dinah nodded. “Well I’ve never really felt like this either. Not like this. We can figure it out together.” 

“Okay, together.” 

After a moment they decided to head back to Dinah’s car, whatever alt-rock band Maya and Harley was listening to audible from the outside. 

Harley gave her shit with a smug grin about her wearing Helena’s jacket, though it didn’t really bother her. It still made Helena blush though, and Maya was giving Helena a knowing look. 

After dropping Maya off at the school so she could take her car home, they headed to Helena’s house. Harley was raving on about how cool Maya was pretty much the whole time. 

“I’ll walk you,” Dinah said when they parked in Helena’s driveway, Harley making teasing little noises from the back that she ignored. 

Dinah and Helena walked up the path to Helena’s house, stopping at the door. 

“I should probably give you this back,” Dinah said, taking the letterman jacket off her shoulders and giving it back to Helena. “Thanks for letting me wear it.”

“Anytime,” 

Helena was never really one for eye contact, choosing to either look at the floor or to the side or at your forehead, but Dinah didn’t mind all that much. She just raked her eyes over Helena’s face, her wavy hair. 

“Is it okay if I kiss your cheek?” She asked after a moment, an ache within her wanting to just give her some kind of affection. What she really wanted to do was actually kiss her, but it was too early for that she had decided. She didn’t wanna overwhelm her. 

“Okay, yeah,” it was almost a whisper. 

If the teasing when Harley saw her wearing Helena’s jacket was bad, the teasing when Dinah got back to the car after Harley had just watched Dinah lean up to press her lips to Helena’s cheek softly, was horrendous. 

Again, it didn’t bother her though. The warm fuzzy feeling in her stomach and the image of Helena’s flushed face as she slipped into her house with a soft goodbye made her feel a little invincible. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! hopefully u enjoyed getting to see dinah's side a bit, we will be resuming back to helenas perspective next chapter
> 
> also- any of ur ideas in the comments are being taking into consideration, so you know! i appreciate the input


	6. Mid Oct.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helena finds a lack of labels confusing. Fall picnic in the park. Alexa play we fell in love in october by girl in red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! been a bit longer than it usually is since last update, think my vibes were kinda off this week, but here we are now
> 
> as always thank u for any comments or kudos last chaptah !! u guys r epic
> 
> we got some soft stuff bois!!!!

“If I ask you something,” Helena had leaned over to say, “do you promise not to be annoying about it?”

It had been two weeks since Dinah had told her that she liked her in a more-than-a-friend kind of way. The past two weeks have been difficult. Helena didn’t really know what was happening. They weren’t like dating, but Dinah complimented her more and held her hand and had even asked to kiss her cheek a few more times. They weren’t dating right? Dinah hadn’t said that... 

“I’m never annoying!” Harley said. Helena looked at her blankly. “Okay fine I’ll be good, what’s up?”

They were supposed to be working on some partner project in graphic design, but Helena wasn’t really worried about that right now. “You’ve been in like, relationships before, right?”

“I have, yes. I would call myself quite the heart throb in fact,” 

“Well do you like, know what’s happening with me and Dinah?” Helena tapped her fingers together on her desk, avoiding actually looking at Harley. 

“What d’ya mean?” 

Helena sighed. “Like, I don’t know, are we friends, are we dating? I feel like we’re in a weird limbo period and I don’t like it and I don’t know why it exists,” 

Harley raised an eyebrow. “I feel like this isn’t as complicated as you’re making it out to be.” 

“Isn’t it, though? I don’t know… I guess I just don’t really get the rules of what we’re doing.” Helena sat back in her chair with a huff.

“I don’t think there really are any rules,” 

“And that’s weird!” a couple heads turned to look at them so Helena kept it down when she said, “I just don’t get it.” 

“You should talk to her about it. I do know that she’s kinda just taking this slow cause she doesn’t wanna overwhelm you.” There was that uncharacteristically genuine tone again. Felt weird on Harley, but it was kinda nice. 

“The lack of clarity might be overwhelming me more,”

* * *

Lunch with Dinah and Harley had become a nice routine. Maya had even joined them a couple times, though she hadn’t today.

“What’s she pouting about?” Dinah asked when she slid into the seat next to Helena.

“Maya,” Helena said. 

Dinah hummed, unwrapping her sandwich. “Like her a lot, huh Harles?” 

Harley shrugged, slipping into a careless facade as she opened her apple juice. “She’s cool.” 

Dinah and Helena exchanged a look as Harley took a sip of her juice. 

Lunch resumed as normal as they chatted about their days. Towards the end of lunch, Harley tried to explain obscure memes to Helena again.

“Ya know, the canned pasta brand? Chef Boyardee?” Harley leaned over the table.

“Uh huh,” Helena blinked. Half of her brain was focused on Dinah’s hand holding hers under the table, so she was even less able to wrap her head around whatever Harley was about to say. 

“And the frog with the chef hat is holding a can of it, and it says ‘finally, we found him, chef boy are these’, which sounds like Boyardee,” 

“...Okay,”

“So they found chef Boyardee, implying chef Boyardee is the frog with the can,” 

“This is fucking ridicules!” Dinah groaned.

“This is important knowledge, D! She has to know this,” 

“She really doesn’t,” 

The bell rang then, Harley grumbling about the importance of knowing the true identity of chef Boyardee as they collected their things. Harley was fast out the door though, calling a goodbye over her shoulder and leaving them alone. That was certainly on purpose.

“That was kind of weird,” Dinah commented. 

“Yeah,” Helena said as she swung her bag over her shoulder as they fell into step together, leaving the cafeteria. Helena’s class was the opposite direction, but she walked with Dinah anyway. She cleared her throat. “So, I’ve been thinking,” 

“Yeah?” Dinah glanced at her as they walked. 

“Yeah, um, are we like… friends? Or I don’t know…” Helena trailed off. “I just, I guess I’m confused about. Labels.” 

“We’re whatever you’re up for being,” Dinah shrugged. 

“I don’t know what that means,” Helena frowned. 

“Okay,” Dinah started. They had reached her class, pulling off to the side. “How about we go with romantically involved.” 

“Okay… what does that mean?”

Romantically involved. Was that an official stage of dating? Dating was weird. 

“We’re not just friends, but we’re not really dating, not yet. I just… I don’t wanna rush this, you know? For your sake and for mine.” 

“Okay,” Helena nodded slowly. It still didn’t totally make sense to her, but it was better than nothing. 

“Hey,” Dinah said. “How about we go on a real date this Friday?” 

Gay little alarms blared in Helena’s head. A date. A real one. “I… okay, yeah, yeah,” 

“Not sure where yet, but we’ll figure it out, okay?” Dinah smiled softly. 

“Okay,” 

“I gotta go, I’ll see you later,” Dinah reached over to squeeze Helena’s hand, and then disappeared into her class. 

Helena would have stood watching after her for longer, but if she didn’t kick it into gear now she’d be late for her own class. 

* * *

“Hey boys,” Helena said as she sat down on her bed, hands full of Rattuccine Alfredo and Ratatoni. She layed back, setting them down on her chest and still kind of cupping them to corral them. She watched their noses twitch. 

It had been a particularly hard practice today, as a month was left in the season now and coach was trying to get them into shape for state. If Helena was honest, or negative as Maya would say, it wasn’t looking good. They had done good at that game a couple weeks ago, but they needed to win the next two games if they were gonna make it. 

She’d be okay, she thinks, if they didn’t make it, but she knows a lot of the other girls had a lot riding on it. 

Her phone started buzzing from her pocket then, so she set the rats down gently next to her and sat up, digging it out to see Dinah’s name across the screen.

“Hello?” She answered the call, turning her attention to pet Ratatoni down his back with a single finger. 

“Hey! So I was thinking I had an idea for our date,” Dinah’s voice came from the other side of the phone, a pleasant lilt to her tone.

“What were you thinking?”

“That maybe we could go down to the park, have a picnic? It’s kinda simple but I thought you’d kinda like that.” 

Every stupid little gay fantasy she’d had of picnics in the spring and fall with a cute girl came to light then, her stomach flipping. “That sounds, nice, yeah, I’d like that,” 

“Okay awesome,” Helena could hear a soft smile in Dinah's voice, “How about I pick you up like an hour or so after school Friday?”

“Uhh, yeah, okay, cool, that sounds cool,” 

Dinah giggled on the other side of the phone. Nice and light, pretty as ever. “Alright well, It’s a date. I gotta go, I’ll talk to you later, H.”

“Goodbye,”

“Bye,” 

She waited for the confirmation the call had ended in the little buzz and big red phone symbol, and looked back to the rats. “I’m really in it now, little dudes,” 

* * *

Friday came quick enough, but the day seemed to drag on. Everything seemed so dull today, especially in comparison to what she’d be doing after school.

Dinah seemed more touchy at lunch, fingers light on her arm, locking their fingers loosely under the table and her thumb rubbing circles on her hand. She even ran a hand through Helena’s hair at one point. She was always very careful to gauge for Helena’s reaction when she did stuff though. Giving Helena a chance to pull away if she wanted to. She understood touch could be a bit weird for her sometimes.

Helena’s face was flushing so red she’s surprised Harley didn’t call her on it.

Harley seemed distracted though, sat across the table talking with Maya. Helena narrowed her eyes at them when her own conversation with Dinah lulled, watching the way Harley seemed to lean into her and the way Maya seemed to play off of it with confidence, continuing to talk about something Harley was suspiciously interested in. 

Interesting. She knew something was happening there, so it wasn’t a surprise, but it more confused her cause, like, was that how most people did all that flirting stuff? Helena had never flirted once in her life. She doesn’t know how she’s made it this far into her ‘romantic involvement’ with Dinah. 

The way Harley and Maya talked, there almost seemed like there was a silent conversation between the lines. In the body language and the looks. Some kind of language Helena didn’t understand. She didn’t exactly ‘play off’ of Dinah as they seemed to do. It was more like Dinah did something and she would sort of try to reciprocate to the best of her abilities. She was always afraid she wasn’t doing it right.

Romance stuff was weird. It was weird and new and sometimes she felt like she was gonna throw up, but she wanted it, a lot. Especially with Dinah. It was exciting, and it made her heart ache in the best way, despite everything. She supposes it was some kind of a learning curve she’d have to get used to. Dinah was patient though.

“Everything all good, H?” Dinah asked from beside her. She found she was now looking down at her lunch tray, and turned to look at Dinah.

“Yeah, I’m good,” and out of all the times she said that to people, this wasn’t one of the times it was a lie. 

* * *

Okay. She could figure out how to dress for a date, right? It was just clothes. 

Just clothes, but here she stood in front of her dresser, towel wrapped around her body, staring at an open drawer, overwhelmed. 

It was a picnic, so casual would be the way to go. Don’t wanna over do it. Maybe something just a bit more dressed up than an everyday outfit. Alright, she could do that. She dug around a bit, seeing a shirt or two that would have worked, but she had only ever worn them once cause the texture bothered her. 

Maybe the fact that almost her entire wardrobe is plain tank tops is something she should work on. Especially since it was getting colder. Whatever, no time to worry about it now. 

Buried at the bottom of the drawer she found a button up, black with a purple polka dot pattern. Okay, that works. She decided to go for the one pair of black jeans show owned instead of sweatpants like she normally would. She hit shuffle on her Destroy Boys playlist before changing, hanging the towel back up in her bathroom. 

  
According to her text, Dinah would be here in twenty minutes. She stood in front of her mirror, running her hand through her towel dried hair. She decided to try using the cheap little makeup brush she had to apply her eyeshadow, instead of just using her finger. She wasn’t sure if it actually looked any better but whatever.

She fed the rats on her way out of her room, giving them little pats and turning her music off before pocketing her phone. Declan was in the kitchen, back turned to her as he fixed himself something. 

She grabbed her docs from the shoe rack near the front door before actually going into the kitchen and sitting in one of the chairs at the table to pull them on. 

“Hey,” she greeted him. “Going out for a bit.” 

“You let dad know?” He glanced over his shoulder, catching her nodding. It was quiet for a moment as she got her other shoe on. “Going out a lot,” he commented.

“Yeah,” and usually they would leave it at that, but she decided to keep talking. “Got a, uh, date actually,” 

“Oh yeah?” He raised his eyebrows. “Who’s the lucky person?”

Person, safe and gender neutral. Fair enough, she supposes. She hadn’t really told any of them she was gay, didn’t really think she needed to.

“Her name’s Dinah.” She moved to tie her other shoe. He hummed, nodding. 

He turned around to reveal a sandwich. “Have fun, Lena.” He said as he turned to leave.

“Thanks,” 

* * *

Dinah was wearing a long sleeve striped rainbow shirt and light brown corduroy overalls cuffed at the bottom. They were both wearing the same docs, which was a little funny because. Gay teens really all wearing the same docs. 

“You look so cute,” Dinah grinned, reaching out to run her hand along the sleeve of Helena’s letterman jacket she had thrown on before answering the door. 

“Thanks,” Helena rubbed at the back of her neck. “You look... good,” and it was lame and it was the biggest understatement of the century. Dinah was probably the most adorable person ever. The overalls were just a bit baggy and it made her look kinda small and it was a  _ lot  _ for Helena. 

She thinks Dinah could tell what she really means though, because she smiled even wider. “Thank you, H.” She nodded towards her car. “Let’s get going.” 

In the back seat of the car Helena could see a picnic basket with a blanket folded on top of it. Dinah’s indie pop music played over the aux, and despite the nerves she was feeling the drive to the park was kind of nice. Dinah carried the conversation, though that was pretty normal. 

She asked her about how the lacrosse season was going, and tried to give her some encouragement when she said it didn’t look great. She asked about the rats and how Helena got them, and where their names came from but Helena had no answer for that. 

They talked about music, Helena got to talk about riot grrrl, which was nice cause it was another one of her special interests. She was kind of a history of the riot grrrl movement textbook at this point. 

* * *

The leaves on the trees at the park were all orange now, some falling off in the breeze. There were young kids with their parents and teenagers hanging around the playgrounds. Dinah led her past where everyone was, out into the big patch of grass and to a spot under the shade of a few trees. 

Dinah took the blanket from the top of the basket that Helena had offered to carry, and spread it out on the ground, kicking up some fallen leaves in the process. 

“There we go,” Dinah said, taking a seat. “C’mon,” 

Helena sat across dinah on the blanket, criss crossed. “Alright, so,” Dinah said as she tapped on her phone, music starting to play softly. “I didn’t totally know what you’d want to eat,” she reached for the basket Helena had set down in front of her, “but you always eat it for lunch so I thought it’d be a safe bet.”

She opened the basket and pulled out two sandwiches wrapped in plastic. “Chicken sandwiches?” 

Dinah nodded. “Yep, they’re probably not like the cafeteria ones you eat every day but,” 

“The cafeteria ones kind of suck, so there’s probably a good chance these are better,” Helena said as she took one of the sandwiches from Dinah. 

“You eat them every day and you think they suck?” Dinah raised a brow. 

Helena shrugged. “Lesser of all the evils,” 

“Fair enough.” 

They unpacked the rest of the basket, laying a couple waters out along with a half empty party size bag of chips and a few cookies wrapped in plastic. Helena peered inside to see one last thing left. 

“Is that-?”

Dinah nodded, pulling out the mcdonalds cup and a straw. 

“You’re ridiculous,” Helena laughed. 

“Mcdonald’s sprite, or the so called only good thing at Mcdonald’s, for the jock,” Dinah said, handing it over. 

Helena shook her head in amusement, taking the wrapper off the straw and sticking it into the cup, taking a sip.

“Sorry it’s not the fanciest though,” Dinah said, gesturing to the food, “it’s what I could put together.” 

“No, it’s nice,” Helena said. A beat. “It’s nice you put in the effort just for me,” 

“Of course I put in the effort for you! I wish I could have done more for you. It’s not the fanciest of first dates.” Dinah leaned back on her hands.

“I don’t need fancy, prefer not fancy, actually.” 

“Yeah, I kinda thought so.”

They chatted more while they ate, and the chicken sandwich was definitely better than the cafeteria one. The texture of all the other food at school bothered her, so she was kind of stuck with the chicken sandwich. This one was nice and it wasn’t. Dry like the school ones. 

“Have you always lived with your uncle?” Dinah asked when she finished the last bite of her sandwich. 

Helena breathed in deeply. “No, uh, I moved in with him and my cousins when I was twelve, before we moved to Sicily.” 

“Do you mind if I ask what happened?” Dinah asked softly. 

“No it’s okay… my family passed in an accident,” She fiddled with the plastic wrap from her now finished sandwich. 

“God, H, I’m so sorry,” Dinah brought her knees to her chest. 

Helena shrugged. “It’s alright, I’m pretty okay now, considering, I guess,” 

“I know when my mom passed,” Dinah said, “it took me a while to get anywhere okay again. You’re really strong, H.” 

“Thanks, Dinah,” Helena said softly. 

After they had packed the chips back up, and finished the cookies, they laid side by side on the blanket, shoulders brushing, music still playing from Dinah’s phone. She had given Dinah her jacket before they laid down, and she was trying not to think too hard about it. Helena recognizes the next song that plays, we fell in love in october by girl in red. 

Helena’s heart felt full, a warmth glowing in her chest. She thinks she finally gets what people are saying when they talk about the beauty of just laying with someone. 

“Can I say something?” Helena asks as she stares at the sky, hues of orange beginning to mix with the blue as the sun starts to set. 

“Of course,” Helena can see Dinah turn to look at her out of the corner of her eye. 

“You kind of, um,” Helena sighs. “You just… you just make me feel like they do in those poems, you know? Like the ones you read about how whole another person can make you feel. Maybe it’s stupid, and I haven’t known you that long, but you make me feel really…” she trailed off, groaning. 

“Feel really what?”

“Good. I don’t get romance that much, but you make it all really… exciting. You make me nervous and sometimes I feel kind of sick even but… I don’t know.” 

“I think I get it,” Dinah whispered. “And I think you do get romance. Romance isn’t just one thing. Romance is the way we all individually express our love to each other.” 

Helena hummed. She had never thought of it that way before. 

“H?” 

“Yeah?” Helena murmured, turning her head and finding Dinah’s face closer than she expected. 

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” 

Helena blinked, panic crawling its way up her chest and getting stuck in her throat. She was nodding before she could get “Yeah, yeah, okay,” out of her mouth. 

Dinah smiled, and Helena felt her hand softly on her cheek. 

Helena had never kissed anyone before, and she didn’t really know what to expect. She had fantasized about kissing a girl before, but she didn’t actually have any idea what it would feel like. 

What this one felt like, was better than she could have imagined. It wasn’t a perfect kiss, she was very sure of that, she was worried about what her lips were doing and if she was kissing back right but it was that same nervous-excited feeling Dinah always made her feel. 

Dinah’s lips were soft, pressing gently against hers. Her thumb rubbing back and forth against her cheek, and Helena felt like she was on fire. It was over too soon, but Dinah’s hand remained on her cheek, and they laid like that for a moment.

Helena still wasn’t the best at eye contact, so she let her eyes roam elsewhere on Dinah’s face, taking in smooth skin and Dinah was smiling so she could see her dimples and god she wanted to look at Dinah forever. 

“Do you think it’s okay if we move out of the romantically involved stage and into the girlfriend stage?” Dinah asked after a moment. 

“Fuck yeah,” 

Dinah’s laugh was bright and loud and Helena wanted to listen to it forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!! hopefully you enjoyed, i actually kind of like how this one turned out. 
> 
> the whole story is kinda dedicated to them, but especially this chapter is dedicated to the monster island stand group discord. thank you for dealing with me asking such questions as what drinks people bring to picnics.


	7. Late Oct.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Halloween has arrived. Helena continues to be gay mess. Harley's pushing limits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> suppose time between chapters is gonna fluctuate, cause it depends on my vibe. its halloween time though yall!!! 
> 
> again thanks for any comments or kudos last chapter ^_^

Halloween had approached pretty quickly. Helena didn’t really have any strong feelings on halloween. She’d thought it was okay when she was little. Haunted houses were overwhelming and she didn’t like scary movies but trick or treating with her brother had been fun for the most part. She hadn’t celebrated it since she was 11. 

Dinah and Harley, Harley especially, were baffled by this news. 

“We gotta do something!” Harley had exclaimed. “Halloween is the best holiday! There’s candy and you get to dress up and there’s blood everywhere,” 

“You know how concerning that last thing is, right?” 

Harley talked on like Dinah hadn’t said anything, “We should go trick or treating!” 

“Harley we’re like 17… I think it’d be a little weird if we went trick or treating.” Helena scoffed.

“We could go with Renee and Cass,” Dinah suggested, stabbing at her lunch with her plastic fork. 

“Yeah! It’ll be fun!” 

And so it was set that they’d go out with Renee and Cass for a bit. Harley insisted they all dress up, and Dinah had been down. Dinah suggested her and Helena could go as a vampire and a werewolf respectively, and Helena didn’t hate that idea. She could be a werewolf.

She was really pretty passive in all this. She didn’t mind it, and they were clearly pretty excited.

The next day Maya had joined them for lunch, sliding into the seat next to Harley. “Do you guys wanna hang out at my house tomorrow night?” 

“We would, but, we were gonna-” Dinah had started to say.

“We can do both!” Harley interrupted. “We could go out with Renee and Cass and then swing by Maya’s!” 

Dinah looked to Helena. “Would you be down for that?”

“Sure,” Helena shrugged, then looked to Maya. “You don’t wanna hang out with the team?” 

“They’re all going to some lame party, trying to cheer themselves up I guess. Not really my thing.” 

The loss of their chance at state was a fresh wound. Fresh as last weekend, actually. It sucked, and of course Helena wanted it, but she was probably one of the least affected. Some of the girls had a lot riding on it. Maya included. 

Helena nodded. “Alright, we’ll be there.” 

So they had a whole night planned now. For the last 5 years she’d spent pretty much just spent halloween doing nothing. Sometimes Declan would ask her to watch a movie but she’d never wanna watch an actual horror movie so they’d watch something else. They also didn’t really have Halloween in Sicily in the first place.

It would be fun, she thinks. She’d hang out with her  _ friends  _ and  _ girlfriend  _ and she’d probably get forced by Harley to eat a bunch of junk and they’d bicker about it. 

Having a girlfriend, while amazing, was something she was still getting used to. She knows Dinah sees that she’s trying though. She was starting to pick up more and more on the cues, but Dinah made sure to be clear about what she wanted. She’d tell her if she wanted to kiss her, or if she wanted to hold her hand, and when they cuddled at lunch last week, she had directed her. 

Helena knew that most people didn’t need their partner to tell them where to put their hands when they cuddled, but it worked for them. And that was what mattered. It never ceased to amaze Helena how patient Dinah was, never annoyed when she had to clarify what she wanted and always soft when she asked her if something was okay. 

Dinah had also been quick to shut down any teasing comments Harley had. She did like Harley a lot, but sometimes she was a little pushy. 

Helena was actually excited for Halloween for the first time in like… well ever, to be honest. 

* * *

They had driven off to Dinah and Harley’s house right after school for costume prep. There has been an excited buzz in the car, and Harley had been playing Calling All the Monsters on a loop. Which admittedly was very good. 

It was only 3 o’clock when they got there, and Dinah and Helena didn’t have to get ready for like two hours. Harley had to get a much earlier start, cause she was being frankenstein and wanted to go all out on makeup. Even Harley had like an hour to spare though, so they decided to hang out in the living room and watch a couple Disney channel Halloween specials. 

They started with the A.N.T. Farm one, arguably the most iconic one. It was a really nice sense of nostalgia from when Helena was little she hadn’t felt in a while. Dinah pressed into her side as they watched, the sound of Harley cackling at something from the other end of the couch fading a bit as her brain clouded. 

The pressure was nice, and she could smell one of Dinah’s products. Some kind of mix of vanilla and honey and maybe something else, and thankfully it wasn’t one of the many smells that gave Helena sensory issues.

After the hour was up and they had finished several of the specials, Harley left to go start doing her makeup in the hall bathroom. 

“Well,” Dinah said, pulling away from Helena’s side for the first time in the last hour to stretch, Helena immediately missing the contact, “we’ve got an hour to kill still.” Helena nodded. “Do you wanna just hang out in my room?”

“Uh, yeah, alright,” there were no implications behind the suggestion, Helena knew that. Dinah still asked if she could kiss her. They’d only been dating for like two weeks. But just the idea of hanging out with Dinah alone, in her room, made her throat close up a bit. 

She followed Dinah out of the living room and down the hall, hearing music playing from the bathroom. “What the fuck is Harley listening to?” She stopped by the door, furrowing her brows as she listened to… whatever techno autotuned shit was playing.

“Oh,” Dinah listened for a second. “100 gecs.” 

Like Helena was supposed to have any idea who that was. “Okay…”

Dinah sat down on her bed, back against the wall, and Helena followed her, their knees brushing as she settled. 

“Do you wanna listen to music?”

“Okay.”

Dinah pulled her phone out, tapping around before hitting shuffle on one of her playlists. Dinah’s usual indie pop played, and she set her phone down next to her on the bed. They sat in silence for a moment, Dinah resting her head against the wall as Helena let her eyes wander around the room. 

She wishes she wasn’t so nervous all the time. Her thoughts were all fuzzy and her chest was tight and Dinah was so close and they were alone in her room and-

“So, you excited for tonight?” Dinah asked, and Helena turned to look at her and she was smiling a bit, her head still against the wall looking down at her, and she looked so pretty it wasn’t fair. 

“Yeah, uh, it’s gonna be fun.” Why did everything that came out of her mouth have to sound so  _ lame _ . 

Dinah nodded, glancing down and ghosting her hand over Helena’s, and Helena had begun to understand this as a question. She nudged her hand against Dinah’s as an answer, and Dinah took her hand in hers. 

“So, are you doing okay? After the season ending and everything?” 

Helena inhaled deeply. “Yeah, I think so. It sucks, and this was the last year I had to play, but I’m getting over it.” 

Dinah nodded, rubbing circles on Helena’s hand with her thumb. “That’s good,” They just sat for a bit.

“You’re gonna be a hot werewolf,” Dinah said eventually. Helena did her best to conceal the choking noise that ripped from her throat, and Helena blushed a lot, but her face was so red in such little time it was probably concerning. Calling her cute was one thing but Dinah said she would look hot.  _ Hot _ .

Dinah just giggled, leaning her head against Helena’s shoulder. They sat like that for a while, long after Helena had recovered. 

Eventually by the time the hour was almost up Dinah ended up laying down with her head in Helena’s lap, Helena still sat in the same position. Dinah scrolled through tiktok, Helena watching some of the videos but also just staring at Dinah or looking around the room. One of Helena’s arms draped over Dinah’s stomach, Dinah using her hand not holding her phone to hold onto Helena’s hand. 

Her stomach felt all fluttery and she knew she was sitting a little stiffly but this was probably the most content she’d felt in a while. Just to sit here with Dinah, it was unfair how good it made her feel. She thinks she could literally do this all day. 

Harley came in then though, makeup half finished. Her whole face, neck, and arms were painted a dull green color, and she had seemed to get most of the way through some contour. She had finished putting stitches across her neck and it all looked really good. 

“Time for you gals to get changed!” Harley herself had already changed into the plain black t-shirt for her costume. 

Helena watched Harley dig around in her and Dinah’s closet and pull out a tote bag and start pulling stuff out, Dinah sitting up. 

Two little plastic containers that must be the fangs for her and Dinah, a little tube of fake blood, and various clothing items laid out on the bed. 

“Okay,” Harley said, sorting through some items, “this is yours,” she handed Helena a distressed shirt. The shirt was black, a big rip right under the collar and a few smaller ones along the bottom. “I think Dinah knows where your ears are,” 

“Ears?”

“Yeah!” Harley sat her hands on her head so they looked like wolf ears.

Helena narrowed her eyes. “That’s a little furry-like.”

“The whole werewolf thing is just a more socially acceptable furry thing. Embrace it!” Helena shared a glance with Dinah. “Whatever, just go change,” Harley shooed her.

Helena shook her head, leaving the room to go change in the hall bathroom. The shirt was a bit baggy, but worked otherwise. When she came back into the room all the other stuff had been sorted out, and she saw Dinah holding a cape. 

“Is that a stereotypical vampire costume cape?” Helena raised a brow.

“Of course! Got to do a vampire costume the right way, H.” Dinah put the cape around her shoulders, tying the ribbon in the front. It was black with red lining, a collar sticking up. Helena didn’t think it was fair that she looked so cute in something so ridiculous. 

“You, um, you look cute,” Helena said, shaking her hand a bit at her side to try to soothe the anxiety she felt. 

“Thank you.” Dinah said with a little head bow. “Alright, I’m gonna go change and then let’s wolf you up!”

Helena found, once Dinah had come back to the room with a white dress shirt on, wolfing up involved giving her sideburns. 

Dinah sat her down at the vanity in the corner of the room while Harley left to go keep doing her makeup. “You’re gonna look great, wolf lady!” Harley had called as she left.

Dinah held her chin gently, tilting her head up and to the side a bit for access. Dinah smiled softly, most likely because of the bright blush that was spreading on Helena’s face. Helena usually preferred more pressure when it came to contact, but Dinah’s fingers were soft and she was so close and  _ ugh _ . 

Helena wasn’t entirely sure what Dinah was doing, just watched her grab a couple of different products from the desk and sat in silence. Dinah hummed as she worked, a soft tune Helena didn’t know and she wasn’t sure if Dinah knew either. 

After what could have been anywhere from 10 to 15 minutes, Dinah was finally done. Helena turned to look in the vanity mirror, examining Dinah’s work.

“It looks really good,” Helena said, actually a bit impressed with how well it came out. 

“I may have some experience,” Dinah watched Helena from behind her in the mirror. “Harley and I may or may not have been really into cosplay freshman year.” 

“Huh,” Helena said, turning back to look at Dinah. “I think that tracks.” 

“What does that mean?” Dinah laughed.

“I don’t know… just not really surprised I guess.” Helena shrugged. “Cosplays cool.” 

“It is yeah,” Dinah turned and grabbed the plastic fang containers from the bed. “Time for fangs.” 

Dinah applied the glue to her fangs for her, handing them to her so she could put them in. She wasn’t entirely sure what she was doing but she just leaned down in front of the mirror and stuck them on. 

“Let the glue dry for a second before you mess with them,” Dinah said as she went to put her own fangs on. 

Once Dinah had hers on and the glue had seemed to settle well enough on her own Helena ran her tongue over the front row of her teeth. “This feels kinda weird.” She said with a grimace. 

“You’ll get used to them,” Dinah said. “Let me see,” Helena pulled her top lip up and let Dinah see the fangs.

“It does look hot,” Dinah said with a nod. Dinah patted her back with a giggle when she made another choking noise. “How do mine look?”

Okay, maybe Helena did get the fang thing. “Good, uh, yeah… good.” Helena blinked, nodding probably too enthusiastically. 

Dinah giggled softly again. “Okay, I’m gonna put the blood on my mouth, you should go get your ears, they should be in the bottom drawer of my dresser.” 

Helena nodded, turning to Dinah’s dresser and pulling the bottom drawer open. It seemed to be the secret cosplay drawer. She dug around a bit and found what must be them, dark brown wolf ears. They were attached to a thin headband, and Helena positioned them on her head from behind Dinah in the mirror. 

“It looks great,” Dinah smiled as she glanced back at her. 

“Thanks, the uh, the blood looks good too.” 

“You know I think we have some yellow contacts if you really wanna complete the look,”

“I think I’ll pass,” 

At 5:45, 15 minutes before when they told Renee they’d be over, they were all pretty much set. Dinah had her cape on, and Helena had decided to wear her letterman jacket as part of her costume. 

“Can’t go anywhere without that thing huh, wolf lady?”

“Shut up,”

Harley had put a cropped dark grey blazer over her t-shirt, with ripped leggings and big platforms. She was taller than Helena now and it was a little scary. Her makeup was finished, and it turned out really good. She had the bolts on her neck and everything. Most glam Frankenstein Helena had ever seen, and she made it work. 

Harley played Calling All the Monsters on a loop again on their way over, and Helena couldn’t really complain. 

Renee’s apartment complex had some kids in costume walking around outside, probably on their way to the nearby neighborhoods like they themselves would be doing. Dinah sent a text that they were there, and they waited for them to come down.

Helena didn’t know what Cass was gonna be for Halloween, hadn’t even thought about it, but she did not expect this. There Cass was, Renee trailing behind her, as… a pair of jeans? Like, they had taken a larger size of Jeans and cut out arms holes and she was just… wearing it. 

Helena just blinked as they approached, hearing Dinah and Harley start cackling from beside her. 

“Don’t ask.” Renee, who herself was only dressed up in an eye patch and a slightly crushed pirate hat, said as they stopped in front of them. “It’s what she wanted.” Cass grinned with pride, and it was admittedly a cute costume in a… weird way. 

“Great choice, kid!” Harley said. 

The walk to the closest neighborhood was pretty short, and soon they were making their way down the lines of houses. Harley walked ahead with Cass and Renee, Cass swinging her little pumpkin pail as she chatted with Harley about all the candy she hoped to get.

Dinah and Helena hung back a few steps, hand in hand as Helena took in the sight of all the kids in their costumes. There were a couple groups of tweens by themselves, but mostly younger kids with their parents. There were a few legitimate baby’s with their parents, which was confusing to Helena. They probably don’t even know what’s going on right now, let alone will they remember it. The energy in the air was buzzing though, distant footsteps stomping on pavement and giggles from kids. 

It made part of Helena’s heart ache for missing out on the last couple years of being able to do this, even though she knew she herself hadn’t actually enjoyed it that much. 

They walked up the path of the first house Cass decided she wanted to stop at, Dinah and Helena staying back still, but watching Harley press the doorbell with her thumb. A couple kids came down the path at the same time, laughing with each other as they digged around in their bags. 

Helena watched the door open, an older lady appearing. She held a giant purple bowl, taking in the sight of Cass in her pants costume, and Harley in her giant platforms and flashy makeup next to her. A grimace passed over the woman's face. 

“Trick or treat!” Cass looked up at the woman, holding her pail out. The lady dropped a couple pieces of candy in the bucket without a word and disappeared back inside with a final glance at Harley.

“Bitch,” Renee muttered as they joined Dinah and Helena, Harley cackling and Cass seeming unphased, happy to have made her first stop of the night. 

Most of the houses luckily did not go like this though, a few people surprised but thoroughly amused at Cass’ costume, and an hour later Cass had more candy than a three year old would ever really need. They had made it to the end of a street, and there was one more house they hadn’t hit.

They had seen the lights and smoke drifting in the front yard and heard the eerie sound effects when they had first turned onto the street. They stood in front of it now, barley making out the door from the bottom of the driveway. As they had been approaching, they heard a shrill scream and then a couple tweens came running past them from down the driveway.

Helena didn’t see the point in going all out like this. Halloween was supposed to be fun right? Scary, sure, but fun. This house was evil though, with all the fog and the off putting lighting, or lack thereof, and the creaking noises and groaning that had to be coming from a speaker in a bush. Helena was 17 years old but she had to admit it was actually pretty scary, and anxiety built inside her and the whole vibes of the place was overwhelming her. 

The door slowly creeped open seemingly on its own then, a quick flash of lights from above as it swung fully open.

“Okay what the fuck,” Helena shifted her weight from foot to foot, a bit ashamed to admit she gripped Dinah’s hand a bit harder. 

“Well we have to go up now!” Harley said with a giggle. Helena shook her head. 

“C’mon, Cass isn’t going up there.” Cass seemed to agree, hiding a bit behind Renee’s legs with a shake of her head. 

“ _ We _ are,” Harley said, taking a couple steps up the driveway and turning to look at them. “It’s not real, it’ll be fun!” 

“C’mon, Harles, she doesn’t want to, and I don’t really either. Just go up by yourself.” Dinah said. 

“You guys are no fun!” Harley groaned. “C’mon, don’t be a coward, jock lady,” she pouted. 

“I’m not a coward.” Anger settled itself in Helena’s chest as she curled her fist. Her mind began to cloud a bit, the already present overwhelment mixing dangerously with the building rage. 

“Are you sure?” Harley raised an eyebrow, a cheeky smile growing on her face. “Cause you’re seeming a little chicken to me,” 

Helena’s jaw clenched, Dinah glancing at her and Harley warily. “Harles, seriously, just go up alone.” 

Harley made a whiny noise. “That’s not as fun. C’mon, jock lady, live a little, stop being so afraid, it’s-” 

It was probably stupid. She felt stupid. Which also added to all the feelings churning inside her all of a sudden. She knew she was probably overreacting, but she couldn’t really think straight. “Fuck off!” 

She let go of Dinah’s hand, turning and making her way back up the street in big purposeful steps. She huffed, hearing Dinah call out after her but she kept going. 

* * *

Ten or so minutes later, she sat on a curb, hugging her knees and absent mindlessly rocking back and forth. She had just finished texting Dinah her location to the best of her abilities. After she had time to calm down, she felt even more stupid about it all. Harley was just being Harley. She was too sensitive. It was just a stupid house. 

When Dinah and Harley arrived, they found her just like this. 

“Hey,” Dinah said softly, taking a seat next to Helena. Helena stared ahead at the floor. 

“I’m sorry,” Harley’s voice was uncharacteristically raw, her typical cheery tone completely dropped, and it shocked Helena into looking at her as she took a seat on the other side of Helena. “I was being a dick. You didn’t wanna go up there, and you were obviously overwhelmed and I shouldn’t have pushed you.” 

“It’s okay,” Helena focused her eyes on her hands in her lap. “I was being stupid.” 

“You weren’t, though! You have your limits. I know that. I need to know when to just drop it. I think sometimes I just get so fixed on something and I don’t take the time to think about how I’m affecting other people. I’m sorry. I don’t wanna make things harder for you.” 

Helena blinked, looking at Harley again. No one had ever the time to actually care and apologize about something like that before. Her entire life she had just been told she was too sensitive and someone, Harley of all people, validating how she was feeling, left her unsure of what to say. 

“I- thank you. Thanks. Really. I appreciate it.” 

“Is it okay if I give you a hug?” Harley asked. Helena floundered a bit, but nodded. “You like pressure, right?” Helena blinked, nodding again. Harley’s arms wrapped around her from the side, a not overbearingly tight squeeze. “I love ya, jock lady.” 

“I, um, I love you too… clown lady,” Harley released her, smiling widely, seeming to be a bit more her usual self again. Dinah’s fingers laced themselves with Helena’s, and she glanced to see Dinah smiling softly.

“Alright, we should probably head over to Maya’s now.”

“What happened with Renee and Cass?” 

“They headed home. And don’t worry, Renee isn’t that upset about you saying fuck in front of her three year old.” 

* * *

Maya’s house was pretty run of the mill middle class, a one story with some pretty intricate lawn decorations. Unlike the ones at Dinah’s house they actually seemed to have a lot of thought put into them. 

Maya had greeted them at the door, revealing her pretty shit attempt at a toilet paper mummy. There was some wrapped around her arms and legs, some wrapped once or twice around her shoulders and hanging loosely. She had wrapped some around her head too, from her chin to the top.

“You guys look awesome,” She had said, taking in their costumes, especially Harley’s. 

“I don’t know, I think we pale in comparison to you.” Dinah deadpanned.

“Oh shut up,” Maya scoffed, shaking her head with a smile as she invited them in. “It’s what I got.” 

“I think it looks great!” Harley smiled.

“Of course  _ you  _ do,”

Harley shushed her, ushering them inside. 

“You are giving me some furry vibes though, Helena.”

“Shut up,” Helena muttered. 

Maya had set up some snack bowls in her living room, the lights off, the room only illuminated by the television screen which showed the dvd home screen for Halloween Town. There was a bowl for popcorn, one for pretzels, and one with some candy. 

“Nice choice of film,” Dinah nodded in approval. Helena definitely agreed, she didn’t remember Halloween Town all that well but she’d been worried Maya had picked a big gory horror movie, which she really didn’t need tonight.

“Of course, Disney original Halloween Town is the most iconic Halloween movie of all time.” Maya took a seat on the couch. Harley was quick to settle in next to her, Maya picking up the remote and queuing up the movie. 

Dinah and Helena sat on the other side of the couch, Dinah leaning her head on Helena’s shoulder as the movie started. 

Helena liked Halloween, she thinks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope u guys enjoyed!!


	8. Early Dec.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rat meeting, a choir concert, and some snow shenanigans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !! welcome back
> 
> per the usual, thank u for any comments or kudos last chapter u r all epic

After just over two months of knowing Dinah and Harley, they were finally coming over to her house and were gonna meet the rats. There wasn’t really any reason for them to have not come over earlier, uncle George worked all afternoon and Declan and Ricky kept to themselves. They just usually ended up over at theirs. 

Dinah and Harley, Harley especially, had become increasingly insistent about meeting the rats over the last week, so Helena finally got around to inviting them over. 

There was an inch or two of snow on the ground from when it had snowed overnight, and they were expecting to get more tonight. It crunched a little under Helena’s docs as she led Dinah and Harley up the path to her house.

“Finally, the inside of the jock lady’s residence!” Harley clapped as Helena opened the door. Helena rolled her eyes, letting them in and taking off her jacket once she closed the door behind them, leaving her in just her hoodie. 

“It’s not exactly exciting,” Helena said as she hung her coat up on the rack, Dinah and Harley following suit. 

“I’d say getting to know any part of your life is exciting.” Dinah smiled softly, her hand brushing down the length of Helena’s arm. Oh.

“I- thank you,” 

“What’s up?” Declan appeared then, leaning against the wall, clearly having just come from the kitchen.

“Oh, hey,” Helena turned to look at him. “This is Harley and Dinah. Guys this is my cousin Delcan.” She threw in some awkward gesturing between them. Declan’s eyebrows lifted a bit at the name Dinah. 

“Oh, hey, I’ve heard a lot about you guys,” He said. A lie, really, she hadn’t really shared anything about them. She mentioned them when she told him she was going out, but that was really it. 

Dinah and Harley greeted him back, nodding a bit. They definitely didn’t really know anything about him. She’d mentioned him a couple times when telling stories, but he hadn’t talked to them about her uncle and cousins that much. 

Ricky came from the kitchen then, trying to slip his way past them. “Hey, dickhead,” Declan caught him by the shoulder. “Say hi.” 

Ricky glanced at Harley and Dinah with disinterest, sighing. “Hey.” He glanced at Declan. “Can I go now?”

Declan shook his head, a dry smile on his lips. “Yeah, sure, go back to your cave.” 

With that the boy scrambled away, slipping back into his room. “Sorry about him, he hasn’t been social in years.” 

“I don’t think that’s totally true, I hear him yelling with some friends online all the time.” Helena glanced down the hall towards Ricky’s room. 

Declan shrugged, turning to go back to the kitchen. “Well, have fun girls.” 

Harley leaned in to whisper, “You know, he’s kinda cute.” 

“I’m gonna throw something at you.” She led them down the hall to her room then, Harley giggling a bit. 

“The boys!” Harley exclaimed. She was in front of Rattuccine Alfredo and Ratatoni’s cage in an instant, bending down to coo at them and stick her finger through the wire. 

“Don’t freak them out,” Helena frowned, Dinah and her joining Harley in front of the cage.

“I’m not!” 

“Can we hold them?” Dinah asked. 

“Uh, sure, let me get ‘em out. You gotta move though.” Dinah and Harley stepped aside, Harley a bit begrudgingly. Both of the boys were on the first level of the cage, Helena opening the door and scooping them up carefully. 

“Okay, sit down.” Dinah and Harley sat down on the bed, Helena standing in front of them with two handfuls of rats. “Okay. You have to be careful. They’re gonna wanna crawl around, and their little claws feel a bit weird at first, but you don’t wanna freak them out.” She looked at them both very seriously. 

They both nodded, though they looked a bit amused. “This is serious.” She looked between them warily. They sobered a bit, nodding again. “Okay. Hold your hands out.” She handed a rat to each of them carefully, both of them giggling as the rats took a couple steps in their hands.

“The claws do feel weird,” Dinah said, watching her rat carefully. Harley nodded, lifting her hands up to her face to look hers in the little face with wonder. “They’re really cute though,” It felt kind of nice that they weren’t like, grossed out by them. 

“Which one do I have?” Harley asked. Helena tensed, sharing a glance with Dinah.

“Well, first you must know something,” Harley glanced up at her, bemused. “They uh… well, I lied about their names. Their names aren’t Dog and Howard.” 

Harley furrowed her brow. “What are they then?” 

“Well uh, you have Ratatoni, and Dinah has Rattuccine Alfredo.” Helena rubbed the back of her neck.

Harley blinked, looking at the rats and then to Helena again. “Wow… that’s better than I would have expected, jock lady. Impeccable taste.” 

“Hey listen, I- I don’t have to explain myself to you.” Helena crossed her arms, embarrassment twisting inside her. 

“No, no! I meant that very seriously. I don’t think you could have chosen better names.” 

Helena narrowed her eyes, glancing to Dinah. “They are pretty cute names,” Dinah nodded. 

A beat. “I did think it was very funny at the time.” 

“As you should have! Immaculate taste.” Harley nodded. 

Twenty minutes later they were all sitting on Helena’s bed, now with a little plate of snacks for Dinah and Harley to feed the rats. 

“Y’know,” Dinah said as she fed Rattuccine Alfredo a little bit of strawberry, “your room is very you.” 

“Yeah?” Helena glanced around her room. She had never really put in any work for it to look nice. It was all plain walls, other than a couple posters here and there, and a plain comforter with plain sheets. 

“Yeah, you would have a boring room, jock lady.” Harley said as she pet Ratatoni down his back with two fingers. 

“Hey-” Helena stopped there, realizing she couldn’t really protest that. It was a pretty boring room.

“I think it’s nice,” Dinah talked over Harley’s giggling. “It’s just… very you, I don’t know how else to explain it.” 

Helena nodded, watching Rattuccine Alfredo nudge his head against Dinah’s arm from his place on her knee. She didn’t really understand what Dinah meant, but she didn’t think her room being ‘very her’ was a bad thing. 

* * *

The next day, there was a choir concert after school. The school’s choir didn’t have that many concerts, really just one in the early fall, one in the winter, like now, and a spring concert. It didn’t leave much opportunity for Helena to watch Dinah perform, the only other time being at the assemblies. 

She still remembers the back to school assembly pretty well. Well, really only the choirs performance. The choir had opened the assembly with the national anthem, and it was then Dinah caught her eye for the first time. She was lined up with the rest of them, wearing the Gotham High choir shirt, and she looked pretty bored actually. Helena was sure doing the national anthem for like the hundredth time wasn’t exactly enthusing. 

There was still something about her though. Helena’s eyes had glued to her for the remainder of the song, and her eyes followed her as the choir left the floor of the gym. She watched her sit back on the bleachers with the rest of the choir kids, and only snapped her eyes away when the host of the assembly spoke again.

When the choir came back to perform another song, some 2010s hit Helena didn’t know the name of, during the second half of the assembly, Helena actually got to hear her voice. During the national anthem she hadn’t really been able to pick it out among all the others, but halfway through this performance she had a solo that was a few lines long. 

She was pretty sure at the time it was just the gay brain, but Dinah’s voice was the best thing Helena had ever heard. She wanted to hear that voice for the rest of her life. 

Now, Helena’s pretty sure it wasn’t  _ just  _ the gay brain. Maybe that was part of it, but in the last two or so months, she’d heard Dinah sing a lot more. It was always small, singing along to music in the car or little things that were more like murmurs, but Dinah sang often, and it was just as beautiful as it was at the assembly, even more so. 

Dinah’s voice was so inherently calming, some kind of smooth aspect to it Helena didn’t have the right terms to fully describe. Dinah was just so unbelievably talented and amazing it made her heart ache. She didn’t totally understand why someone so great cared so much about her.

Helena looked up at the clock above the board. Fifteen minutes until the school day was over, and then she’d meet up with Dinah and Harley and they’d hang out before the concert at six. Time passed by agonizingly slow, because of course it did, Helena half assing looking like she was actually working on the reading they were doing. She really couldn’t be bothered with it right now.

Finally it came time she could pack her things up, and a minute later she was out the door. They had in fact gotten more snow overnight, another inch or so added to yesterday's layer. She hadn’t been in snow in the past five years, and she hadn’t really missed it. 

Dinah and Harley leaned against Dinah’s car chatting, both of them perking up when they saw Helena. Her having friends that are  _ actually  _ excited to see her would never get old. 

“Hey,” Dinah smiled, pressing a little kiss to Helena’s jaw as her gloved hand took Helena’s bare one. 

Affection was something Helena had started getting more into the groove of. Dinah still initiated most of it, but when they had talked about it a couple weeks ago Helena had decided she was comfortable with Dinah being more forward about it. 

It wasn’t often Helena felt uncomfortable with something anymore, especially since Dinah had worked out what Helena liked and what she didn’t. 

Helena preferred pressure, but she didn’t mind soft kisses and gentle face touches, she likes putting her arm around Dinah and letting her tuck her head into her neck, but when they had cuddled in Dinah’s bed for the first time last month she found she liked to be the little spoon. It was all about testing waters and communication. 

“Harley was thinking we could hang out at Mcdonald’s until it’s time for the concert.” Dinah said, swinging their joined hands back and forth. 

“That sounds good.” Helena was sure the Mcdonald’s employees would be thrilled to have a few teenagers, one of them being overly rowdy, hanging out in their establishment for multiple hours. 

Harley was in fact as loud as always, earning them a couple glares from fellow patrons and employees alike, but Helena had grown used to Harley’s chaos. They sat in a booth in the back, Helena only having a sprite and stealing a couple fries from Dinah. Harley had gotten a McMuffin and an ice cream cone, which Helena thought was insane since it was freezing out. Dinah was making her way through a twenty piece of nuggets. 

By the time they filed out, with enough time to spare so Dinah could change at home for the concert, their trash had been sitting untouched for over an hour. 

As they were on their way home, Harley looked up from her phone. “Do you guys think we can pick up Maya?” 

“Harley you’re gonna make us late.” Dinah groaned, turning down the street to their house. 

Harley whined, a long dragged out ‘pleeeeeaaaaaaaaa’ that didn’t seem to stop, and Dinah grumbled under her breath and finally told her ‘okay, fine, we’ll pick her up, now please shut the fuck up.’

Dinah ran in to change into her choir shirt and plain black jeans real quick, leaving Harley and Helena alone in the car as they waited. Harley leaned forward to snatch the aux cord, and Helena began to wish Dinah hadn’t left the car running. 

Over the past month, it had become a running… joke, you could call it, that Harley played that stupid song Helena had heard coming from the bathroom on Halloween whenever she could. The now all too familiar electronic dumpster fire of a song started, Helena groaning loudly as the vocalist went on about some skinny piss baby or something. 

“I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you,” Helena grumbled, equal parts at the stupid fucking song and Harley. Harley cackled, quoting the song along with the vocalist. When Dinah made it back to the car, the song had played through nearly four times, which was four too many. 

They had established at the beginning of this joke that it didn’t actually upset Helena, well not seriously, and that the results were pretty funny, as hard as the song was to listen to. When Dinah opened the drivers door, Helena was trying to reach into the back of the car, hands held out like she was gonna try to strangle Harley, both of them laughing. 

“Alright, calm down kids we got places to be. Harley turn that shit off.” 

They swung by Maya’s to pick her up, and were able to make it to the school just in time. Dinah gave Helena a quick peck on the cheek, and was off to gather in the choir room with the rest of the choir. 

Just the week after Halloween, Harley and Maya had started going out. Helena was happy for them, sure, but they could be a bit… annoying sometimes. They acted a little… heterosexual for a gay couple. No offense to them. 

As they filed into the auditorium they were pressed side by side, giggling together as Helena trailed behind them. She wondered for a moment if she could go sit by herself but then Harley and Maya were taking a seat and she followed them on auto pilot. They somehow managed to still be pressed close even with the armrest between their seats, and Helena knew this was gonna be a long fifteen minutes before the concert started.

They didn’t hush their whispers and giggles until the choir director stepped on stage, Harley letting out an entirely inappropriate whoop to the disdain of pretty much everyone there. The director talked on about how hard the choir had been working this year and how thankful she was for everyone that had come tonight, and finally the choir was stepping onto the stage.

Dinah stood on the second riser, near the middle. She stood with her hands at her sides, a professional expression on her face, as did the other kids, but the corners of her mouth quirked up a bit when she saw Helena. 

They called it the winter concert, but it was pretty much just a bunch of Christmas songs. Dinah had told her they had started preparing in late October, so Dinah, who was Jewish anyways, was pretty sick of them at this point. 

She had also complained to Helena about the choreography they had, which was mostly done with their hands, but watching Dinah do it she thought it was pretty cute. 

All the songs were pretty run of the mill, O Holy Night and all that, and Helena couldn’t really pick Dinah’s voice out from all the others, but she still looked adorable up there, and every so often she would catch Helena’s eye with her own. 

Somewhere in the middle of the concert though, Dinah had a solo. She got to step off the risers and go to the microphone stand they had set up, a couple feet to the side of the other one they had set up that a boy who had stood on the top riser came down to. 

Helena had no idea what the song was, one of the more obscure Christmas adjacent ones, but Dinah sounded wonderful. Too good for Gotham High’s choir, she thought. Dinah’s voice always resonated with something within Helena, something that made her chest feel warm and kind of like it was glowing. Helena really wasn’t sure of a whole lot, but she was sure about the way that voice, that Dinah herself, made her feel. 

Then Harley was cheering loudly as Dinah made her way back to the risers, Maya shushing her with a giggle as heads turned to look at them, Dinah trying to fight back a smile from the stage.

* * *

Helena spotted Dinah through the crowd of choir kids and their families that crowded in the lobby outside the auditorium, Dinah grinning widely as she spotted her too, peeking over the crowd on her tiptoes. Helena felt her anxiety about the crowd ease as Dinah weaved her way through to get to them.

“You did great, singer lady! I think this one was a lot more entertaining than the spring concert,” Harley said, wrapping her arms around Dinah as Dinah thanked her with a laugh, shaking her head. Maya told her she did great, Dinah smiling and thanking her.

Then Dinah turned to Helena, grabbing her hands with her own and lacing them together. “So,” she prompted, a glint in her eye.

“You were awesome. Like, pretty sure you’re too good for this school’s stupid choir. Really sure.” It all came out a bit mumbled and stumbly, but it was true. 

Dinah softened, leaning in on her tiptoes to peck Helena’s lips. “Thank you, baby.” Helena flushed, feeling a little fuzzy all over. 

* * *

The following weekend, Renee had invited them over for some Christmas celebrations before Cass and her left for a few weeks to visit some family over Christmas. 

She had mainly invited Derek, Dinah, and Harley, but of course Dinah and Harley wanted Helena to tag along, and then Maya got in the mix somewhere. Which it was kind of ironic that the only people that were showing up that weren’t Jewish were the two not initially invited. 

Dinah had explained that they weren’t super committed to celebrating one thing, and they usually ended up doing a big mix of a bunch of different things, especially since her mom had been raised Christian. They still did some Christmas traditions at home since her mom passed, since that was the way it had always been.

Helena’s parents had been very about raising her and her brother Catholic, as their parents had. They went to mass every Sunday and were very big on having traditional Christmas, but she lost a lot of that when she moved in with uncle George and her cousins. Uncle George hadn’t stuck with being very religious as an adult like her father had.

They had gone to church on Christmas a couple times and always celebrated, but it was a lot different than what she was used to when she was little. 

She herself kinda had a complicated relationship with religion. Church clothes were itchy and she had hated being fawned over by her mother every week, and between the loss of her whole family and the pre-existing issues with what it meant to be a ‘good Catholic girl’, it was all very confusing. She didn’t like to think about it very much. 

So she was gonna go and just chill with her friends and her girlfriend. And her girlfriend’s dad. And her girlfriend’s sorta childhood best friend/babysitter and her toddler.

Renee welcomed them in, everyone ushering inside and removing their coats and gloves. Renee’s apartment had a little tree tucked into a corner, half a dozen or so wrapped presents sitting underneath it, which Renee told them a couple of them were for them when they leave. Cass sat in front of the tree, a coloring book that she was scribbling on sat in her lap. 

Renee offered them eggnog, alcoholic for her and Derek and non-alcoholic for the teens, which Helena accepted mostly out of nerves cause she didn’t really like eggnog that much. She sipped it gingerly as they all sat in the living room, Dinah and her sat on the love seat together as Harley and Maya sat with Cass on the floor and Derek and Renee occupied the recliners. 

Helena watched Maya introduce herself to Cass, peering at Cass’ work on her coloring book and saying something that made her giggle. Derek and Renee started catching up on something, and Helena found herself a bit overwhelmed by it all. One of those things where everyone seemed to gel together really well and she didn’t really feel like she had a place in it. 

“You doing alright?” Dinah asked, grabbing her hand to give it a squeeze. 

“Yeah, just… I don’t know.” Helena shrugged. She did know, but Dinah got it without her having to try to explain it. Dinah kept on holding her hand, rubbing little soothing circles with her thumb. Helena’s free hand tapped against her thigh. 

When she thought about it now, with Dinah’s hand in hers, she knew she did have a place in all this, even if she didn’t really feel like it sometimes. Dinah, at the very least, would always be her place in it. 

At one point Renee started talking to Maya and Helena about lacrosse, asking them about the loss of a chance at state and their plans moving forward, Helena stumbling over a response of pretty much just ‘I don’t know,’ and Maya saying she still wants to play in college if she can. 

College applications were coming up a lot. Kids had been talking about it since early fall, but Gotham University application deadlines were in early January. Helena doesn’t think she wants to go though. She didn’t really think college was for her. Maybe community college. She’d heard Gotham Community College wasn’t all that bad. 

Dinah wanted to go to Gotham University though, had started really prepping for applications last month, wanted to be a music major. 

Harley had applied for fucking NYU back in early fall, and apparently might actually have a good chance at getting in. On a scholarship too. Learning Harley, while being a chaotic mess, was also really fucking smart, was terrifying. Learning she wanted to major in psychiatry was even more terrifying. 

After being there for two hours, the sun was about to set, but snow falling out the window caught Cass’ eye, and she insisted that they go play in the snow. Renee was hesitant at first, but after some persuasion, well more like hollering, from Harley, she gave in.

They all pulled their jackets and gloves back on, Renee helping Cass get hers on, and they made their way down the levels of the apartment complex. 

They had made their way out the front doors, Dinah and Helena about to follow everyone down the little staircase that led up to the front doors, when Harley exclaimed. “Wait!” she said, everyone else, who was already spread out in the grass area in front of the building, which was now covered in snow, turned back to watch them. 

“What? What’s wrong?” Dinah asked, frowning. Harley looked rather proud of herself then, flicking her eyes between them and up above their heads. Realization seemed to wash over Dinah as she shook her head slowly. “I swear if I look up and there’s-” 

Dinah looked up, Helena, completely confused, following suit, and then she saw it. A mistletoe, hanging above them off the overhang. Ah. 

Dinah smiled softly, shaking her head. “You had to have put that there. Those are never just hanging around.” Harley simply shrugged, and Helena genuinely couldn’t tell if Harley had placed it there or not. 

“Well come on,” Harley waved her hands around. “Submit to the rules of the all mighty mistletoe.” 

Renee grumbled under her breath, turning away with Cass to start on making something in the snow. Derek and Maya chuckled, watching on.

“You’re ridiculous.” Dinah sighed, and turned to Helena to grab her face, pressing her lips to hers firmly for a second. “There,” she said as she pulled away, “now let’s make a snowman or something.” 

Helena followed Dinah down the stairs, her whole body buzzing just a little bit, and it was only partly from the cold. 

They did in fact start on a snowman, but somehow it dissolved into a steadily more intense growing snowball fight. It was probably Harley that threw the first one, but at this point it didn’t really matter anymore. 

Renee acted mainly as an extension of Cass at first, helping her make snow balls and throw them, until Dinah had chucked a pretty big one right at her back, Renee immediately out for revenge. 

It was kind of an all out war zone after that, Helena trying to duck away from an onslaught of ones being fired at her by Harley and Maya. At one point Dinah had gotten her dad on the side of his head, giggling as she tried to dodge the rapid, loosely packed snow balls coming her way in retaliation. 

Somewhere towards the end Dinah was chasing Helena after Helena had accidentally gotten her in the face with one. Dinah managed to catch up to her and wrestle her to the ground, surprisingly strong. 

Dinah hovered over her, the yells and laughter from everyone else in the background as she picked up clumps of snow and started throwing them at Helena’s shoulders and chest. 

“Okay, okay,” Helena giggled, feeling snow pile on her neck, “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to!” 

“Sure you didn’t.” Dinah narrowed her eyes as she stopped, giving Helena mercy, but she didn’t try to hide the smile on her face. They stared at each other, the adrenaline starting to wear off, both of them huffing.

Helena’s eyes trailed over the snow stuck to Dinah’s hair, almost seeming to glitter, and her chest swelled. Her eyes darted across Dinah’s face, taking it all in for far from the first time. “You look,” she started, swallowing thickly, “you look really pretty.”

Dinah almost looked like she was going to make a joke, but decided against it, softening. “So do you,” 

Maybe Helena wasn’t great at reading facial expressions all the time, but the look on Dinah’s face, of clear and soft adortion, made her breath catch in the throat. 

There was something that washed over her, something that she knew well enough but maybe had been too scared to really face head on. 

She loved Dinah Lance. 

  
She  _ loved  _ Dinah Lance, a lot, with probably everything she had, and the thought didn’t leave her even after they had gone back up to Renee’s apartment and Renee and Derek started on making them all some hot chocolate to warm up. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank u for reading !!
> 
> also, i wanna say i wanna start trying to reply to comments cause u deserve responses, sorry i have been lame and awkward. i genuinely appreciate anyone who has taken the time to comment on this clown fest of a story, it means the world
> 
> so, tell me what u thought, or if u got any input !!


	9. Late Dec.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Helena's first New Years Eve with friends. Friend appreciation and trauma sharing hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back folks!!
> 
> slight cw for this chapter: we got some teen drinking. as in very slight mentions of it and a little sippie of alcohol that gets spit out. also some trauma talk but it's not too explicit 
> 
> also as u can see we got a definite amount of chapters now! we're now just over halfway through. wack

As the month passed, even through the stress of finals week, where they had a group study session at Harley and Dinah’s that got little done, Helena couldn’t stop thinking about that moment in the snow outside Renee’s apartment building. 

When Christmas break came, she didn’t stop thinking about it. When they hung out at any of their houses, or went to McDonald’s, or just drove around in Dinah’s car for a while, she didn’t stop thinking about it. 

When Dinah held her hand, or cuddled her in bed the few times they got to do that, or when she pressed a kiss to her lips, she especially didn’t stop thinking about it. She felt it every time, got a bit flushed and her mind fuzzed over. 

Helena had learned a lot about relationships in the last three months, platonic and romantic, but she wasn’t sure how you were supposed to tell a girl you loved her. She didn’t know how you were supposed to tell a girl you were pretty sure you were  _ in  _ love with her. So she’d kinda just been carrying it around for a few weeks. 

She was pretty sure Dinah loved her too. More than sure, really, after the way they’ve spent the last three months together. Dinah may not have said the words to her, but it showed in all the kisses and the hand holds and check ins to ask if she was okay. It showed in the care Dinah treated her with every day. 

Sometimes Helena worried that Dinah didn’t know how much Helena loved her. She wasn’t good at reciprocating affection and she was bad with words, and it kinda haunted Helena to think that may result in Dinah not knowing how much she loves her. 

The way Dinah made her feel was the same way the characters in all those movies Helena never fully got felt. Dinah made her feel more loved, cared for, and understood than anyone has in like five years, maybe even before that. Maybe it was stupid to say but Dinah made her feel  _ alive _ . She had to  _ tell  _ Dinah she loved her. 

As they sat in Maya’s bedroom, a couple days before New Years Eve, the thought weighed heavy on her mind. Maya and Harley laid spread out on the floor, Harley with her head resting on Maya’s stomach. Dinah and Helena sat on Maya’s bed, Dinah’s legs resting in Helena’s lap. They all had been pretty quiet for the last half hour, scrolling through their phones.

Well everyone else was, Helena had kinda just been staring at a blank screen for a while, trying to piece together a plan. Saying ‘I love you’ was like... a big thing. At least it always was in movies. All the ideas her brain flicked through, all things she’d seen in movies, didn’t seem like they’d work. They were all too outlandish or inconvenient. 

“Do you guys wanna spend New Years Eve here? My parents are going out of town. You could sleep over.” 

“Oooh! Yes!” Harley clapped.

“Sounds good,” Dinah continued scrolling through her phone.

“Uh, yeah, okay. I’ll have to ask my uncle though.” Helena blinked, a little startled to have been pulled out of the depths of her thoughts. 

Maya nodded, going back to her phone.

New Years when she was little were always kinda boring. Her parents went out, her and Pino were left with a sitter. The last year before the accident, her parents let the sitter let her stay up until midnight, but Pino still had to go to bed early so it was just her and the sitter. Wasn’t really exciting. 

New Years with uncle George and her cousins was a bit more fun. Only a little. They’d sit in the living room and George would buy sparkling cider and they’d crowd around the TV drinking it from little plastic cups. It was kinda nice, but still lackluster. 

She knew what New Years with your friends was like in the movies, but she didn’t expect hanging out at Maya’s to be anything like that. They’d probably just hang out like they normally did, but that would still be fun. Definitely more fun than sipping sparkling cider as George went on about how down hill the New Year’s Eve shows had gone. 

Helena sent a quick text to George asking it was okay, to which he sent a thumbs up emoji in response. “My uncle said okay.” 

“Awesome!”

\---------

Helena hadn’t been in a Party City since she was like eight, but the vibes were just how she remembers them. The lights were so fluorescent it threatened to give her a headache. It smelled… like cheap plastic.

“Hate seeing this propaganda shit,” Harley muttered as they walked past an entire wall of Paw Patrol decorations. “Kids these days deserve better.”

Helena furrowed her brow, and was a bit hesitant to question it. Dinah continued scanning the aisle as normal. Maya giggled from the other side of the aisle as she ran her hand along one of the shelves. 

“Propaganda?” Helena decided to ask, raising an eyebrow. 

“Yeah,” Harley said. “That cop dog Chase is a bastard.” Huh.

Helena wasn’t exactly sure what supplies they really needed from party city to hang out at Maya’s house, but here they were. It was around noon, twelve hours until the new year, and they were in party city. 

It had been Dinah who proposed they come, and Harley had immediately jumped on the idea, insisting they go. Harley already had a pile of stuff building up in her arms and they hadn’t been in the store more than five minutes. Apparently tacky necklaces and stickers and glittery streamers were essential. 

Helena just hoped she wouldn’t be forced to buy anything. She had like, maybe five dollars to her name. 

Eventually Harley led them down to the costume aisle, eyes searching the wall.

“Hey,” Dinah said, grabbing Helena’s attention. “How do I look?” Helena turned to see Dinah had put on a cowboy hat, one of those disguise glasses with the big nose and mustache, and had picked up what looked to be a weapon from Halo, all while Helena wasn’t looking.

A smile cracked on Helena’s face as she took it all in. “Great. Think this could be a really good new look for you.”

“I think so too,” Dinah nodded, grinning back at her. 

After a look at the wall of wigs and deciding that while it would be very funny, a blonde bob wig wasn’t a warranted purchase, they found the aisle packed with the new year’s specific stuff. There were banners and cheap fancy-looking silverware, and glasses shaped like beer bottles that Maya insisted on buying. 

They came upon a little section of sparkly fedoras and top hats, and Harley made them all pick one out for themselves. Maya and Dinah ended up with fedoras, though Dinah’s was sparkly and had a band around it, and Harley got sparkly a top hat. Helena had been mid protest when Harley shoved a plain top hat at her. 

When they got to check out they had a pretty sizable haul, streamers and banners and little plastic cups that looked like wine glasses. Helena still didn’t really get the need for them, but it would add to the vibe she guesses.

* * *

Helena blinked rapidly, her fist clenching and unclenching at her side. They’d only been in this Walmart for a couple minutes, but her sensory issues were already fucking with her. 

They’d stopped to get some stuff for tonight, snacks and drinks and what not, and Helena thought it would be fine. It wasn’t fine.

There were people, everywhere. It almost felt like they were crowding around her on purpose in this stupid chip aisle. A kid cried, loud and seemingly never ending from a couple aisles over, and it made Helena wanna crawl out of her skin.

The rest of them stood in front of the various chips, trying to figure out what they wanted to go with as Helena stood as pressed up against the other side of the aisle as she could next to their cart, trying to stay out of the way of everyone. She couldn’t fathom the fact that they were seemingly so okay with the people brushing up against them. They didn’t even seem to notice.

Walmart on a holiday sucked ass. Walmart normally sucked ass, but it sucked even more ass when everyone and their 43rd cousin were last minute shopping. 

The lights were too bright, the people were too much, and if Helena has to hear the crinkling of a chip bag one more time she might scream. She just stood though, staring at her feet, twitching her fingers. She’s done this many times before. She could get through it.

“Okay, okay, fine, we’ll go with cool ranch.” Maya sighed, taking a bag from the shelf and there was that  _ crinkle _ but Helena just swallowed the bubbling rage. Then they were back by her side, chips tossed into the cart along with a pack of cookies Harley had picked out, and Helena followed them out of the aisle stiffly, watching the floor and using her peripheral to keep herself from knocking into something.

“Babe, are you okay?” Dinah’s voice, over the sound of Harley and Maya talking about what soda they might wanna go with and all the other voices in this stupid fucking Walmart.

Helena just hummed, glancing up at Dinah. Dinah did not seem convinced. 

“Is it your sensory issues?”

Helena hummed again. 

“Hey guys,” Dinah called up to Harley and Maya who walked in front of the cart. “I think me and Helena are gonna go find somewhere to sit. She’s kinda overwhelmed. Can I trust you two to finish shopping on your own?”

“Oh,” Maya started, exchanging a look with Harley.

“Of course! We’re very responsible. You two go chill.” Harley nodded, a very assured look on her face.

Dinah narrowed her eyes. “Just don’t buy a bunch of stupid shit.” She fixed them both with a look, then softened as she looked to Helena. “Let’s go,”

Dinah led her back to the front of the store, and they found a bench outside where the bathrooms were. Dinah was careful to keep enough distance so as to not further overwhelm her, giving her some space on the bench.

There weren’t as many people around, and the layers of noises in the store were still a lot but she already felt a bit better. 

“Do you want my earbuds?” Dinah asked, retrieving them from the little backpack she had. Helena nodded, taking them from her and looking through her Spotify to find her classical music playlist. It’s what she usually listened to at times like these, if not a video game soundtrack she liked.

The classical music was nice. She turned her volume up, drowning out the sounds of the store, and sat her phone in her lap. There were a couple songs on here that her mother used to play on the piano when she was little. She had no idea what they were called when she was younger, but she’d remember them anywhere. 

Flashes of sunny afternoons, light shining in through the blinds, her eight year old self sat on the couch in the living room watching her mother’s fingers dance on the keys. She shut her eyes, an ache from deep within pulling at her heart, but it was nice. Distracting. 

When she opened her eyes again she had no idea how much time had passed, but Dinah tapped her shoulder, and Helena pulled the earbuds from her ears. 

“Harley and Maya are about done at checkout,” Helena followed Dinah’s gaze, and she saw Maya loading the last couple of their bags into their cart. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Helena unplugged the earbuds from her phone, handing them back to Dinah. “Thank you. Really.” 

“Of course.” Dinah’s smile was soft and as sweet as ever, and warmth blossomed in Helena’s chest. 

* * *

They stopped for food on their way home, a little burger joint Dinah and Harley really liked, and it was times like those Helena just kinda let everything slow down and thought about how much she appreciated her friends. 

Dinah sat next to her in the booth, pressed against her side more than she probably needed to be, and she watched Harley and Maya laugh from across the table as their hands bumped together as they ate from their shared thing of fries. Helena wasn’t really listening to what they were talking about, letting her mind wander.

If she had known friends like this felt this good, she probably wouldn’t have let her fear get in the way as long as it did. Or maybe it wouldn’t have made much of a difference and these were her people, and she wouldn’t have found this anywhere else. Either way, all she could really do now is appreciate what these last three months have been, and the months to come.

It was really starting to hit her how much she didn’t want to lose this. Her therapist had told her that a lot of her fear about making friends, along with her fear of rejection, was rooted in how afraid she was to become attached to people just to lose them. She knew she was still keeping up some kind of barrier with her friends, keeping them at arm's length in selective areas. 

She didn’t talk about her family, she didn’t talk about how losing them affected her. Vulnerability like that was… gross. Her therapist had also told her about the importance of sharing things with our loved ones. She did want to be open with her friends, Dinah especially, it was just… hard. When even was the right time to bring up the death of your whole family? Didn’t seem like there was one.

“Earth to H?” 

Helena’s eyes focused again, looking up to see Dinah looking at her. “Huh?”

“You good? Looking a little lost there.” Dinah’s hand brushed over Helena’s under the table.

“Yeah, good.” Helena nodded, plucking a fry from the box of them that sat in between them on the table. 

* * *

Helena carried the majority of the bags into Maya’s house, all in one trip, because she wouldn’t admit it to them but she was determined to look strong. She was strong and he could carry most of the bags in one trip. She had tried to lug two twelve packs of soda over her shoulder on top of it all but Dinah wouldn’t let her. 

It was around two now, so they still had a while until the countdown to midnight started. After putting all the groceries away, which really they had gotten too much of for one night, they just kinda hung around. 

After a couple hours of mostly just sitting around Maya’s living room on their phones, someone suggested they watch a movie, and somewhere they ended up deciding to watch Ratatouille, much to Helena’s delight. 

Helena knew… a lot about Ratatouille. It wasn’t her special interest ages eight to about thirteen for nothing. Though she had since transitioned more into a rat specific special interest, she still had retained a lot of love for the movie.

“You know,” Helena was saying before she could even think to stop herself, “the production team actually went to Paris to study the city.” 

“That’s kinda cool,” Harley said, nodding along with Dinah and Maya.

“Yeah, and, uh, in that scene in the movie where Linguini jumps into the water after Remy, one of the Pixar employees actually jumped into a pool in a chef’s outfit so they’d know what it’d look like.” They all nodded again, Maya blinking a couple times. “Sorry, you guys probably don’t-” 

“No, no! C’mon, what other Ratatouille facts you got.” Dinah gestured for her to continue.

“Well,” Helena shifted in her seat. “Some of the animators actually went to cooking classes to help with animating the kitchen. And, uh, the sets department manager used to be a chef before working at Pixar, so he helped a lot and actually, uh, cooked the dishes they were animating.”

“That’s commitment,” Maya said with raised eyebrows, and she actually looked mildly impressed which prompted Helena to continue.

“They also had a rat specialist, to like fact check stuff. They also kept a habitat for some pet rats around for like, a year, to study them.” She paused, thinking. “Oh, also in that opening scene where Remy uses lightning to cook a mushroom, they actually set a mushroom on fire to see what it’d look like.” And god she did not know she still remembered this much. 

“You really know Ratatouille, jock lady.” 

“It was like… the only movie I watched for a couple years. I could probably quote most of it” Helena shrugged. “My room before uh, I moved in with my uncle and cousins was actually decked out with a lot of merch. It’s the reason I’m so into rats now.” 

“Well,” Maya said as she started queuing up the movie. “Your Ratatouille knowledge is about to be put to the test.” 

Helena could, in fact, quote most of the movie. She couldn’t really stop thinking about how cool they all were with her spitting off so much about the movie to them though. Even when she kept doing it while they watched, remembering more stuff as the movie went on, they didn’t seem annoyed. 

She couldn’t help but compare it to that one time in 4th grade when she had started going off about it to the kids who sat at her table and they had laughed at her. She’d been carrying that with her for the last eight years, and here her friends were caring for and actually kind of engaging with her interests. She didn’t think she’d ever have that. 

* * *

Around eight they started putting some of the stuff they had gotten at Party City up, Harley draping streamers over like every surface in the living room. They hung a big “Happy New Years” banner above the TV. Maya set out all the food and drinks they had gotten out on the coffee table and in the kitchen.

They hadn’t really had dinner, knowing they were gonna be snacking all night, so they got started on making their way through the bowl of cool ranch Doritos. They sat on the couch, all wearing their hats from Party City. 

“Can I say something?” Helena said, breaking the silence they had been sitting in while they ate from the communal Dorito bowl. 

“Of course,” Dinah said, popping a chip in her mouth. 

Helena took a deep breath, toying with her hands in her lap. “This just… has been a really good three months. I’ve never really had friends before, you know, and… you guys are so great. I’m just really happy I have you guys.” They were all looking at her with this glint in their eyes and Dinah had this dopey smile and it was a lot. “And that’s all. So stop looking at me like that.” 

“Aww!” Harley went to reach across the couch, putting herself halfway in Dinah’s lap before she paused. “Wait, is it okay if I hug you?” Helena grimaced, but nodded. Harley moved again, fully in Dinah’s lap now as she wrapped her arms around Helena. “We love ya too, jock lady.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Helena mumbled, but a small smile tugged at her lips. 

* * *

“Maya, can you help me with something real quick?” Helena stood up from the couch, tilting her head towards the kitchen. 

“Uh,” Maya unwrapped herself from Harley, Harley pouting, “okay.” 

Helena led Maya to the kitchen, Harley and Dinah exchanging a glance as Harley grumbled something under her breath. 

Helena had spent the last hour or so with the thought of telling Dinah she loved her rolling around in her head again, with Dinah pressed up to her side and pecking her lips every so often and she was going a bit crazy. 

“What’s up?” Maya leaned against the kitchen counter, raising an eyebrow at Helena.

“Do you like,” Helena began in a whisper, leaning towards Maya, “do you know how to tell someone you love them?”

“Uh, well,” Maya blinked. “Usually you say ‘I love you’,” 

“You know what I mean.” Helena frowned, hopping up onto the counter to sit. “I wanna like, tell Dinah that I,” she peered down the hallway to make sure Dinah hadn’t magically appeared, “love her. That I’m like, in love with her, but I don’t know how. And most methods in movies seem… inconvenient. I just wanna do it right.”

“I see,” Maya nodded. “Well, I’ve never told someone I’m in love with them either, but I know that you don’t need to stress about it. Dinah definitely feels the same way, and it’s not about making it perfect. There’s no like, right moment to do it. Just tell her when you feel it.”

“Uh huh.” Helena leaned her chin on her fist. “What the fuck do you mean by when I ‘feel it’?” 

Maya chuckled, shaking her head. “Just tell her when you want to. Like when she kisses you or something and you get that over powering ‘wow I love this girl’ feeling. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It probably won’t be.” Maya shrugged.

Helena hummed, running a hand through her hair. She didn’t totally get it, but she thinks she got the gist. It doesn’t have to be like the movies. “Thanks.”

“Course,” Maya smiled, “good luck. But, you don’t really need it. It’ll go well.” 

Helena hoped so.

* * *

Alcohol was not really something Helena thought she would ever have any experience with before she was actually of legal age, but here she was. Maya had pulled a bottle down from her parents liquor shelf, now a half hour from midnight, and Helena sat with Dinah in the backyard with some in one of the fancy looking plastic cups.

It wasn’t like she was actually getting drunk, though she couldn’t say the same for Harley and Maya, she was just trying it, but she didn’t really think she’d be getting this far. She felt a bit lame about it, thinking of a sip of alcohol was like, a groundbreaking teen experience, cause it really wasn’t, but whatever.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Dinah, who wasn’t having any herself said, “definitely no peer pressure here.”

“I know,” Helena stared at the brown liquid in the cup, “I want to try it though.” Dinah nodded from beside her, watching her as she took a sniff of the cup and made a face. “Wow, that’s… a lot. What even is this?”

“No idea,” Dinah shrugged. 

Helena hummed, dissatisfied, and swished the liquid around in the cup. She brought the cup to her lips, taking a quick sip before she could overthink it, and the taste hit her tongue like a freight train. She spit it back into the cup, coughing a bit.

“Oh god,” She groaned, setting the cup down.

Dinah giggled from beside her. “You alright?”

“Yeah I just… god. Tastes like fucking nail polish remover.” She grimaced, glaring at the plastic cup holding the drink. “I don’t know if all of it tastes like that, but if it does I don’t think I get drinking.” 

“I don’t think all of it does, no. Maybe most of it.” 

“Jesus,” Helena leaned back on her hands, tilting her head up to look at the stars. “My dad used to have a drink to relax every night. Don’t really know what’s relaxing about that.” Dinah shrugged, looking up at the stars too. 

After a moment of silence Dinah said softly, “you don’t really talk about your family.”

“Yeah, I guess not.” Helena could see Dinah turn to look at her out of the corner of her eye. “It’s just... Weird, I guess.”

“I get that.”

“I think I just… I kinda bottled it all up. Bottled them up. Like, I was trying to protect myself but I just made it messy. It’s better now, therapy helps and all. I just don’t really know how to bring it up.”

“I know my dad still has a hard time talking about my mom.” Dinah was still looking at her, but Helena thinks if she turns to look back at her right now she might die.

So instead she kept on looking at the stars, taking a shaky breath. Helena’s heard about Dinah’s mom. She was very kind, but she was a real force to be reckoned with. Once Dinah had told her that she thinks her mom would have liked her, and she nearly melted into a puddle on the floor. 

“I wish I could say my parents would have liked you.” Nearly a whisper, just barely heard over the sounds of crickets. Dinah just hummed, and Helena couldn’t really tell what it meant. “I think they could have, if they weren’t so… ‘traditional’, as they’d say.” Another hum, this time more understanding. 

“I think Pino would have. I don’t think he’d care that you’re a girl. I think he’d just be happy for me.”

“Pino?” And Dinah was still looking at her, and Helena’s skin felt hot even in the chilly air under the gaze. 

“My baby brother.” Another hum from Dinah. “He was… he was always the loudest person in the room. He was kind, and he was like, my best friend.” 

“I’m sorry, H.” Dinah’s voice was so soft Helena almost felt sick, but that was okay.

“I um,” god she felt like she was gonna vomit all of sudden and she couldn’t blame it on the sip of alcohol she didn’t even actually drink. “I spent a lot of time wishing it was me, after.” 

“Helena-”

“If I just, if I had gotten in on the other side of the car he would have- I was always so stubborn about sitting on that side but if I had-”

“Helena.” 

And then Helena looked at her, finally, and she thinks her previous assessment that she would die was true because Dinah was looking at her so fucking intently.

  
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” and there were tears running down her cheeks and  _ fuck  _ this is why she didn’t talk about this.

“Don’t be, it’s okay, H. It’s okay.” Arms, coming tight around her middle from behind. “Is this okay?”

Helena just nodded, resting her head back against Dinah’s shoulder. And god, it was so much, to let Dinah hold her like this, and she still felt sick but she also wanted to stay like this forever. Dinah’s arms were steady, grounding, and she could smell some of Dinah’s products, that now familiar honey and vanilla kind of smell.

They stayed just like that for a while, until Dinah shifted a bit to check her phone. “It’s almost midnight. Like a couple minutes. I’m surprised Harley and Maya haven’t come get us.” 

Helena sniffled a bit. “They must be preoccupied.”

“Hopefully nothing gross,” Dinah groaned. 

Helena grimaced. “Hopefully not.”

And then the fireworks that had been going on and off for the past hour were going off like crazy. “Huh.” Dinah said as they looked up at the sky. “It’s midnight.” 

“Huh.” Helena sat up, turning to face Dinah. “Hey,” And the sick feeling from earlier was back, but it was different this time.

“Hi,” 

“I’m in love with you.” 

Dinah’s smile was almost blinding, and god Helena wanted to look at her dimples forever. Her kiss was soft but intent, a hand cupping her cheek. “I’m in love with you too, dork.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! let me know what you think
> 
> ive got most of the story blocked out now which is wild >_< we got some fun stuff to come!


	10. Mid Jan.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Relationship progress, a night at the drive-in, and a little swearing at uncle George. A day indeed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back! sorry i don't have like a long chapter for you >_< with working on other stuff and a lack of motivation it took me a while to get moving on this. 
> 
> cw for a lil bit of ableism towards the end

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, uh, I think I just need a second.”

Dinah pulled away, sitting back on her feet, Helena’s leg still sandwiched between hers. She was smiling softly, panting a little as she traced a pattern on Helena’s knee. And there Helena laid, her head resting against Dinah’s pillows and her face flushed. 

“Sure you’re good?”

“Yeah, just.. might be dying.” 

They had been cuddling and exchanging little kisses as normal, and then somewhere Dinah had flipped them so she was straddling her, and a bit later there were kisses being pressed to her neck and that was probably when her brain lost all ability to function.

Dinah laughed, soft and light, and it wasn’t helping clear Helena’s head any. It felt very intimate, Dinah looking down at her as she laid there, and she couldn’t help but squirm a little under the gaze. 

She scraped what little courage she could gather together then, pulling herself up with the help of a grip on Dinah’s waist, and surged forward to capture Dinah’s lips with her own. It was kinda clumsy, and Helena was panicking she was doing something wrong, but Dinah smiled into the kiss, her arms draping over Helena’s shoulders.

It was weird to actually be doing this, she thinks. Hanging out in her  _ girlfriends  _ bed, kissing. It was a fantasy that she would lay awake listening to music and thinking about, but she didn’t think she’d be living it anytime soon. But here she was, Dinah in her lap, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of her neck. 

Dinah pulled away, hands resting on Helena’s shoulders now. “We should take a breather,”

They should, probably. This was kind of a lot for Helena, as stupid as that made her feel. It was a bit overwhelming, as much as part of her didn’t wanna stop, because Dinah’s lips were kind of addicting and she just wanted to drown in it. But this was new, and they were still testing waters. 

“Yeah, okay,” 

Dinah crawled out of her lap, which left her feeling disappointed, but then her arms came around her waist and Dinah muttered something like ‘can I hold you?’ and Helena just answered with a nod and they settled down like that, Dinah’s face pressed against the back of her neck.

Being held was nicer than she ever thought it would be. Touch was weird and the way Helena felt about it varied, but this was nice. This was more than nice. 

As they laid there, Helena kept coming back to something she’d been thinking about for a bit, that felt all the more relevant now. “Hey,” she started. Dinah hummed in response. “Have you like- have you done this before?”

“Done what?”

“Like… I don’t know. Like-” she felt really stupid now. Was she allowed to ask this? It wasn’t like that, weird, right? She didn’t really get the… rules. “Like, have you… made out with people before?” 

“Oh,” Dinah readjusted her grip around Helena, “I mean like, yeah. There’s been a couple people. They were different, though.” 

“Different how?” 

“None of them felt like… like this.” 

“And that’s positive, right?” 

Helena could feel Dinah nodding. “Yeah, it is.”

“Okay. Cool. I guess I… I don’t really know why I asked.” She didn’t, really. She didn’t really know why she’d been thinking about it. 

“That’s okay. You’re allowed to ask me stuff.”

Helena just nodded, nuzzling back against Dinah and shutting her eyes. 

“I never wanna make you feel like… pressured to do stuff. I’m not with you just cause I wanna make out with you and stuff.” The words hung in the air, murmured against Helena’s neck. 

“I know.” She did, and she had never once felt like it wasn’t true. “I do wanna like... start doing stuff, though.” 

“Cool.” And Helena thinks she can feel Dinah smiling against her neck, and then they both giggled a little, and Helena felt really light and good.

Talking was easier, she thinks. After New Years. She felt more open, and they’d both touched more here and there with their experience with their losses since. It felt good to talk about it with somebody personal in her life. To share that part of herself with Dinah. 

They stayed like that for a bit, and then there was the sound of the front door, and distant talking, and then footsteps down the hall, and the door opened to reveal Harley. 

“Well,” Harley began, closing the door behind her, “I only almost hit something like, five times.” She kicked her shoes off, falling back onto her bed. 

“Wow,” Dinah said, “that’s a new record.” 

“I know!” Harley nodded enthusiastically. “Derek said he might let me try to parallel park next time!” 

“As long as it’s not in my car,” Dinah unwrapped herself from Helena, sitting up. Helena missed the touch immediately, but sat up as well. 

“The world does so not need you behind the wheel.” Helena mumbled, running a hand through her hair. 

“Hey! I’m gonna be a great driver!” 

“Yeah, okay,” Dinah scoffed, pulling her phone out. 

“You wound me!” 

“You’re gonna be the one wounding people pretty soon.” 

Dinah laughed, and Helena felt quite proud of herself. She always liked it when she could actually make a joke land. Harley pouted, but decided to drop it. 

“Anyways,” Harley started, “The drive-in’s been showing old movies. Girlfriend lady wants to go see Breakfast Club tonight.” 

“Girlfriend lady is the worst nickname you could have gone with for Maya.”

“Not true! There were much worse options I was thinking about.” Dinah glanced at Helena in bemusement. Helena didn’t wanna know what the other options were. “Do you guys wanna go or not?” 

“Sure. Sounds good.” Dinah shrugged, and she turned to Helena.

“Uh, sure,” Helena glanced between Dinah and Harley. “I’ve never seen Breakfast Club.”

“I’m starting to think the only movie you’ve seen is Ratatouille (2007), jock lady.”

“Not true. I’ve seen several rat documentaries.” 

“So you’ve only seen rat documentaries?”

“Are you implying Ratatouille is a documentary right now?”

\------------------

“You’re  _ not  _ playing Money Machine.” Dinah glanced down at Harley’s hand as it came into view, reaching for the aux cord. 

“I’m not!” Harley snatched the cord and retreated back into the back seat, hooking it up to her phone. 

“Better not.” Helena grumbled, crossing her arms from the front seat.

“You guys should stop knocking 100 Gecs.” Maya piped up as Harley started playing some alt rock stuff Helena didn’t recognize. 

“They should stop making music that sounds like shit.” 

“100 Gecs are musical masterminds!” 

“Whatever, Harles.”

The showing was at nine, and they made sure they had enough time so they could pick up a pizza on the way. Helena had never been to the drive-in before. It sounded fun, though, just hanging out by Dinah’s car and watching a movie. They had brought camping chairs to sit in. It was a nice night. Vibes were good.

They went through and paid, almost went to the wrong screen, but they got a pretty alright place to park. They had fifteen minutes until the movie started. They set up their chairs, and sat the pizza on the hood of Dinah’s car, and while fiddling with the radio to find the right station Dinah asked if Helena and Maya could go get them drinks and popcorn. 

“We already have a pizza, do we need popcorn?” Helena asked, already rising from the camping chair she had settled in. 

“Always.” Dinah and Harley said in unison, and Maya and Helena exchanged a look before getting drink orders and heading off. 

The concession stand was in a brightly lit up building they had to walk for a bit to get to, Helena’s hands shoved into her jacket pockets as they walked in silence. She’d been thinking a lot about earlier with Dinah. About their relationship progressing. She wanted to talk to Maya about it, and she figured this would be a good time.

They waited in line, Maya making a few comments about the place, but Helena was more focused on trying to figure out how to breach the topic to Maya. She was just overthinking. She needed someone sensible to tell her to stop worrying. 

Maya ordered when they got up to the front and paid, and Helena sighed as they stepped off to wait by the pickup counter. “Can I talk to you about something real quick?” 

“Yeah, what’s up?” 

“So like,” she glanced around a little, trying to make sure no one was eavesdropping. It wasn’t ideal for her to be talking about this in public, but whatever. “Dinah and I’s relationship is like… progressing, and stuff.”

“Uh huh,” 

“And I guess I’m like. I don’t know. I’m worried. Cause I don’t know how this stuff works really and she has like. Experience. Like I don’t know how,” Helena frowned, “exactly the progression is supposed to work.” 

The drinks and popcorn got set down then, Maya thanking the worker and taking the popcorn and two of the drinks while Helena took the other two. “I think,” Maya said as they made their way out, “you’re worrying too much.” 

“Yeah,” Helena sighed, “I know. I always am.” 

“Stuff is just gonna happen naturally. All you have to worry about is communicating how you feel about stuff that happens, you know.” Maya shrugged a little. 

“I don’t think I do know.” Helena twisted her face up.

“Like, tell her if you’re comfortable with stuff or if you’re not. Tell her if you wanna do more stuff. Listen to what she wants. Just go with the flow.”

“I’m very bad at going with the flow.” 

“Just, the only thing you can really do wrong is not communicating.” Maya glanced at her. “You don’t have to worry about anything else.” 

“Okay, yeah. Alright. Communication.” She sounded about as sure of herself as she could. 

“Communication.” Maya repeated. “Arguably the most important part of any relationship.” 

“Yeah,” Helena nodded. “Thanks. Really. Sorry you always have to reassure me about stupid shit.” 

“It’s not stupid shit,” Maya glanced at her again, “and it’s no problem.” 

“Thanks.”

\-----

Somewhere in the middle of the movie, after the pizza was finished and the popcorn bucket was only a third full, Helena and Maya had slinked off to the backseat of Dinah’s car. Helena wasn’t convinced they were keeping it entirely PG back there.

“Little ironic that the people who suggested we do this aren’t watching the movie.” Dinah leaned over to say. 

“I have chosen to forget they are here.” 

“Smart.” 

A giggle from behind them then, heard over the audio of the movie playing from the radio. Helena sighed, Dinah cracking up beside her. “They could at least shut up.” 

“That would be nice, yeah.” 

A bit later Dinah leaned her head on Helena’s shoulder, curling up a little in her chair. This was nice, even if Maya and Harley were a little obnoxious. 

At a part where the movie was dragging a little, Helena decided to say, “I talked to Maya about stuff earlier.” 

“Yeah? What about?” 

“Just like, stuff I was worrying about. About our relationship progressing.”

Dinah hummed. “And?”

“And she told me to stop worrying. And that I need to express what I want.” 

Another hum. “What do you want?” 

“I think uh,” Helena shifted in her seat. “I think I’m good with like, kissing, right now. In your bed, and stuff.” 

“Sounds good.” Helena looked down to where Dinah still rested her head on her shoulder, and Dinah was smiling up at her.

“Cool.” Helena smiled back.

\--------

“I just think it would have been a lot better if it was gay.” Helena said as they pulled out of the drive-in. 

“You’re right and you should say it.” Maya nodded from the backseat.

“Like, the goth girl and the popular girl clearly had chemistry.” Helena was gesturing around with her hands now. Mumbled agreements from everyone. 

“And you know,” Dinah started, “I always hated the makeover thing. The jock dude doesn’t want a goth girlfriend? Weak ass.” 

“You’re right and you should say it.” Maya repeated. 

“I would very much enjoy a remake where it’s gay and not weirdly misogynistic.” Harley said as she was curled up next to Maya.

“Where is it? I would like to see it.” 

“It was like, okay though, otherwise. Seems a bit overhyped.” Helena shrugged. 

“I get that. I don’t know, I still like it.”

They dropped Maya off first, and Dinah walked with Helena to the door when they pulled up outside her house. 

“I’ll text you later,” Dinah said when they stopped in front of the door, lacing their fingers together. Helena leaned down to peck her lips. Dinah swung their hands together, grinning. “Okay,” she said after a moment, letting go of her hands and stepping away. “I love you!” she called over her shoulder.

“I love you too.” Helena watched her get back into the car, following the car with her eyes as it pulled away, a smile still lingering, before she stepped inside. 

The house was mostly dark, illuminated only by the TV and a lamp, George sat in his recliner, per usual. 

He turned back to look at her. “Hey,” 

“Hi.” She waved and turned to go down the wall to her room, but he spoke again. 

“You’ve been going out a lot last couple of months.” He commented. 

Helena turned back to him, lingering by the hallway. “Yeah.”

“I see you’re uh, you’re finally getting over your thing.” 

God. Here we go. “What thing?” She asked, knowing full well what he meant, her fingers curling into a fist at her side. 

“The uh, you know. The autism thing.” He gestured vaguely. 

_ The autism thing _ . She could feel rage boiling inside her, her jaw clenching. “No.” She did her best not to bite it out. “Still got it. Still got diagnosed when I was ten. My therapist continues to support that diagnosis.” 

“Lena,” He sighed. Jesus. “You’re just a little antisocial sometimes.” 

She’s heard this many times over. Wasn’t any less infuriating. She had outbursts a lot when she was little, and she had gotten better at handling them, had never snapped at him, but she was tired of hearing this shit. “I’m not just a little antisocial! If you would  _ fucking  _ listen to me, to the couple fucking  _ professionals  _ that have _ - _ ” 

Declan appeared from the hallway then, going “Woah, woah,” as George was telling her to ‘watch her language in his house’, and she felt like punching somebody. She brushed Declan’s shoulder as she walked past him, all but stomping down the hall as she slipped into her room, Declan calling after her. 

She groaned, collapsing onto her bed on her back, rage still simmering as she shut her eyes. Fucking asshole. She’d been telling him this shit for years. He didn’t  _ listen _ . 

She didn’t know how long she laid there, but eventually the anger faded, and she could hear the rats squeaking from their cage. A knock, then. 

“What?”

“It’s Declan.” 

She sighed. “Come in.” 

She sat up as he entered. “You okay?” He asked, sitting on the corner of her bed. 

“I’m fine.” 

He bit at the inside of his cheek for a moment. “I’m sorry he’s an ass.” 

“Yeah.” 

“He’s not trying to be malicious.” She rolled her eyes a little. “He’s not, really. He’s an ass about it, like I said, but he just doesn’t get it.” 

“I’ve been trying to tell him. For years.” 

“I know, I know.” He ran a hand through his hair. “He cares about you though.” 

“He doesn’t show it very well.” Helena grumbled. 

“I know. He’s not very good at it with us either. But he wants to try. He doesn’t like upsetting you. I think you swearing at him might have kicked him into a gear a little.” Declan chuckled a little, Helena rolling her eyes again but cracking a smile. 

“Seriously, though,” he started again, “I was talking to him out there. He wants to try more to understand.” 

They had talked about her autism very little, in all honesty. Anytime they did it wasn’t exactly positive, so they’d never had a real conversation about it. She’d just spent a while being angry. She supposed she could kinda meet him in the middle. 

“Maybe you could uh, make a powerpoint or something.” He shrugged. “We could present it to him together.” 

“Yeah, maybe.” Helena huffed out a laugh, shaking her head. “Thanks.” 

“‘Course. I’ll always be here for you, Lena.” 

The words tugged at her heart, and it all felt a little too directly mushy and gushy for them. “Alright, thank you. Now get out.” She waved her hands as if to shoo him. 

He chuckled, standing. “I mean it.” And then he left. 

She flopped back, staring up at the ceiling with a sigh. An interesting direction for tonight, it was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! lemme know what u think


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